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Notes on the Journal:
1. Generally, I don't use trigger warnings. I save trigger warnings for content that is in the upper echelon of disturbing--mentioning the topic briefly doesn't get them, graphic detailed material would. So if you do a trigger warning, take it very seriously. I am open to changing this policy, but I've followed this guideline for nine years and no one's ever requested I do differently.
2. There are three filters: general access, high access, and fiction. General access is where I say stuff that I don’t want showing up on a Google search engine or being found by someone I know in real life. Quite a lot of stuff falls under here, since a lot of what I say could be traced back to me. It’s also where I talk about things I don’t feel completely comfortable sticking up for all the world to see. If I've given you access, that basically means I think you won't dox me and you won't act like a dick to me because of my beliefs and identity.
High access is where I put things that I really don’t feel comfortable about, such as various mental trauma that I’ve had to deal with and refuse to go into detail about here, or the nasty details of my head. If you want to be added to the filter, message me, and if I know you well enough I’ll probably add you.
Fiction is where I stick fiction. It is almost never used, because usually I forget to stick fiction under it. Message me to be added, and you will be.
3. Please ask before posting fiction or essays I've written elsewhere. I generally don't mind, but I still prefer that you ask.
4. I follow pretty freely--if you seem like an interesting person to talk to, and don't seem like a dick, I'll subscribe to your journal. If I know you decently enough that I'm comfortable giving you some basic details about my meatspace life, I'll grant you access.
Notes on me:
1. I have social anxieties. I don't know if I have social anxiety disorder, but I am certainly anxious in social situations. Related to this, I have issues with interpersonal relationships. These issues are worst when things are left unsaid. So, if something does come between us, please spell it out for me. This aids with resolving the issue and in my own piece of mind.
2. I am most definitely a flawed person. I am on occasion brutally honest, have an unfortunate tendency to be a dick when being argumentative, and have difficulty engaging in normal social interaction. I am working on these issues and I have improved on these issues, but they are still a part of me. I don't believe they'll be issues here, but I believe in being honest about my own flaws.
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Sticky: Bookshelf -- 2025 Edition
Jan. 20th, 2025 01:04 pmReally the first edition, since I've never done this before.
Nonfiction:
The Cult of the Fox: Power, Gender, and Popular Religion in Late Imperial and Modern China -- Truly excellent and a fascinating look at how fox legends have evolved over time. Prior to reading the book I didn't know the extent to which foxes were poised as anti-establishment figures and conflated with popular discontent or people (particularly women) who didn't fit in with society's strictures.
The Lost Art of Reading Nature's Signs: Use Outdoor Clues to Find Your Way, Predict the Weather, Locate Water, Track Animals--and Other Forgotten Skills -- The tips in this book were very useful (I'd never really put together that snails being dependent on calcium carbonate to make shells meant that they were more common in chalky environments), but while I read most of it this is the kind of book that you're better off buying and consulting when you need to rather than reading in one sitting.
More Everything Forever: AI Overlords, Space Empires, and Silicon Valley's Crusade to Control the Fate of Humanity -- This can be thought of as "Why The Techno-Optimists Suck, the Book." While most of it was familiar since I've been following these people for a while, it was nice to read it all laid out in one place and I'd recommend it to anyone who doesn't know much about these people.
The Secret History of Sharks: The Rise of the Ocean's Most Fearsome Predators -- Deeply fascinating and in-depth enough that I was able to enjoy it. I've finally found out how Helicoprion used their sawblade.
The Secret Life of the Universe: An Astrobiologist's Search for the Origins and Frontiers of Life -- This was a decent beginner's look at astrobiology, giving very general overviews of the possibilities of life on other celestial bodies. Most of it is focused on the solar system, but it talks some about exoplanetary systems. But for me this was the very problem. I'm no astrobiologist, but I want something more in-depth that talks about how alien life might deal with the challenges of alien environments.
Rescuing Science: Restoring Trust in an Age of Doubt -- Every scientist should read this. Especially recently when our fields have been under threat, there's a tendency to circle the wagons. That's understandable, but as Sutter points out there are deep problems with how our fields are structured and how we communicate with the public, and we should try and tackle those problems. Some parts will ring familiar to anyone involved in science.
Rewilding: The Radical New Science of Ecological Recovery -- This one is probably pretty good if you're not an ecologist. I am so it had nothing to offer me; it was too general.
Fiction:
Aunt Tigress -- This one was interesting. Romance in urban fantasy is, in my view, usually done poorly. This one... didn't have that problem. While the fact that most of the book was not focused on romance but instead on stopping someone truly evil from claiming power that is not rightfully her's surely helped, the author was also just better at this aspect (and judging from the book, probably was well aware of what not to do).
A Darkling Sea -- Very good. Cambias sets up three different cultures that end up clashing through sheer accident and the psychological quirks of each species, then makes us sympathize with all of them.
Fudoki -- An excellent sequel to The Fox Woman. This one is about a cat in feudal Japan who turns into a human and gets mixed up in the violence that was unfortunately common at the time. As usual, Johnson does a good job of portraying someone who isn't human, though I feel like he leaned a little more on the apathetic violence his protagonist is willing to commit than I'd like.
The King in Yellow -- Read it for free yourself. Read the first few stories as they are creepy and skip the rest as they are boring. The Street of the First Shell has way too many characters packed into one short story, it's hard to keep track of them.
The Many Selves of Katherine North -- This one was really good. The segments of the story showing how it feels for Katherine to become different creatures are beautiful, as are her dealing with the mental bleedover from spending time as other species.
The Mountain in the Sea -- Brilliant. I've always loved xenofiction, and Nayler gives us a book about first contact with a sapient species of octopus in a cyberpunk dystopia, complete with robots and corporate espionage. The octopi carried the book, though, and he doesn't skimp on showing the difficulties of trying to communicate with an entirely new sapient species (that doesn't even have vocal chords) or what the octopi would think of humans.
Ninetails: Nine Tails -- The short stories are about foxes, but really they're about sexism. A good collection of different looks at how East Asian fox legends can intersect with misogyny and the place of women in society.
North is the Night -- Tried to read this one. I got most of the way through. Eventually I couldn't help but give up. A good portion of the book--it feels like the majority, really--can be described as "woman demands supernatural being give exposition to her, is denied, asks again, gets it." It's clunky and it drags down the narrative. Rath includes a list of characters and glossary of terms; it would've been so much of a better choice to just let us use that rather than wasting them explaining things.
Open Throat -- Short and blunt. The problem is that the mountain lion at the center of the book doesn't come off as very mountain lion-y. Mostly they meditate over what-ifs. These don't wear out their welcome, but in large part that's because the book is short. I wouldn't recommend it but also it's a novella so it takes a couple hours to finish.
A Palace of the Wind -- Raised too many questions it didn't answer. I'm not sure they actually mattered, but without them there's not enough in the novella to interest me. Not enough character development happens over the pages to interest me--I don't get any sense of the protagonist other than "duty bound, really loves her people, hates where she is now"--and the Feng vs. human conflict relies on narrative tropes that are extremely well trodden, at least to me.
Servant of Earth -- I was prepared to not like this book--the back made it sound like romantic fantasy, which in my experience is usually quite bad. But I was pleasantly surprised that rather than romantic fantasy with some court politics, I was getting court politics with a tiny amount of romance.
Station Six -- AK Press generally publishes anarchist nonfiction but started getting into fiction recently, so we get this novella about an anarchist group unionizing on board a space station. It's okay, but the ending felt too abrupt.
Strange Beast of China -- Yan is definitely trying to say something deep and metaphorical but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is. Certainly you can interpret the beasts as minority groups, but it feels like there was more to it. My interest in the book petered out pretty rapidly once I was unable to determine what the more is. Call me pedestrian.
Sundial -- Excellent psychological horror. This one provided twists until the end, despite the fact that I skipped ahead to skim sections.
The Naturalist Society -- Vaughn wrote a story where knowing taxonomy gives you magic powers. Naturally, I loved it. It's a wonderful look at natural history in a fantasy setting, as well as a tale of a woman attempting to overcome the sexist attitudes of the time.
The Navigating Fox -- A fox goes on a trip to Hell. This one didn't land with me. I'd read Rowe's story on Tor that was published first and was in the same setting, and I'd enjoyed it, but I was unsatisfied at the end of this since what I saw as the central mystery (where did the Navigating Fox come from) went unanswered. This was the point, and it's a good point, but in the absence of an answer the rest of the narrative wasn't compelling enough.
The Nightward -- They tried to do a post-apocalyptic science fantasy, but they don't do a good enough job of leading up to it and sort of spring it on the reader at the last moment (there are a few signs earlier, but not that many). It's the first book in a series, so a good sequel might help.
Playground -- This one was alright, I guess. Powers weaves a decent narrative about four people united by one island, but the main character was a regretful tech CEO and while he was compelling I felt like much of the narrative was missing. I never actually found out why two of the characters ended up on the island in the first place, and while that could be because I had to finish it really quickly I don't think it was.
Nonfiction:
The Cult of the Fox: Power, Gender, and Popular Religion in Late Imperial and Modern China -- Truly excellent and a fascinating look at how fox legends have evolved over time. Prior to reading the book I didn't know the extent to which foxes were poised as anti-establishment figures and conflated with popular discontent or people (particularly women) who didn't fit in with society's strictures.
The Lost Art of Reading Nature's Signs: Use Outdoor Clues to Find Your Way, Predict the Weather, Locate Water, Track Animals--and Other Forgotten Skills -- The tips in this book were very useful (I'd never really put together that snails being dependent on calcium carbonate to make shells meant that they were more common in chalky environments), but while I read most of it this is the kind of book that you're better off buying and consulting when you need to rather than reading in one sitting.
More Everything Forever: AI Overlords, Space Empires, and Silicon Valley's Crusade to Control the Fate of Humanity -- This can be thought of as "Why The Techno-Optimists Suck, the Book." While most of it was familiar since I've been following these people for a while, it was nice to read it all laid out in one place and I'd recommend it to anyone who doesn't know much about these people.
The Secret History of Sharks: The Rise of the Ocean's Most Fearsome Predators -- Deeply fascinating and in-depth enough that I was able to enjoy it. I've finally found out how Helicoprion used their sawblade.
The Secret Life of the Universe: An Astrobiologist's Search for the Origins and Frontiers of Life -- This was a decent beginner's look at astrobiology, giving very general overviews of the possibilities of life on other celestial bodies. Most of it is focused on the solar system, but it talks some about exoplanetary systems. But for me this was the very problem. I'm no astrobiologist, but I want something more in-depth that talks about how alien life might deal with the challenges of alien environments.
Rescuing Science: Restoring Trust in an Age of Doubt -- Every scientist should read this. Especially recently when our fields have been under threat, there's a tendency to circle the wagons. That's understandable, but as Sutter points out there are deep problems with how our fields are structured and how we communicate with the public, and we should try and tackle those problems. Some parts will ring familiar to anyone involved in science.
Rewilding: The Radical New Science of Ecological Recovery -- This one is probably pretty good if you're not an ecologist. I am so it had nothing to offer me; it was too general.
Fiction:
Aunt Tigress -- This one was interesting. Romance in urban fantasy is, in my view, usually done poorly. This one... didn't have that problem. While the fact that most of the book was not focused on romance but instead on stopping someone truly evil from claiming power that is not rightfully her's surely helped, the author was also just better at this aspect (and judging from the book, probably was well aware of what not to do).
A Darkling Sea -- Very good. Cambias sets up three different cultures that end up clashing through sheer accident and the psychological quirks of each species, then makes us sympathize with all of them.
Fudoki -- An excellent sequel to The Fox Woman. This one is about a cat in feudal Japan who turns into a human and gets mixed up in the violence that was unfortunately common at the time. As usual, Johnson does a good job of portraying someone who isn't human, though I feel like he leaned a little more on the apathetic violence his protagonist is willing to commit than I'd like.
The King in Yellow -- Read it for free yourself. Read the first few stories as they are creepy and skip the rest as they are boring. The Street of the First Shell has way too many characters packed into one short story, it's hard to keep track of them.
The Many Selves of Katherine North -- This one was really good. The segments of the story showing how it feels for Katherine to become different creatures are beautiful, as are her dealing with the mental bleedover from spending time as other species.
The Mountain in the Sea -- Brilliant. I've always loved xenofiction, and Nayler gives us a book about first contact with a sapient species of octopus in a cyberpunk dystopia, complete with robots and corporate espionage. The octopi carried the book, though, and he doesn't skimp on showing the difficulties of trying to communicate with an entirely new sapient species (that doesn't even have vocal chords) or what the octopi would think of humans.
Ninetails: Nine Tails -- The short stories are about foxes, but really they're about sexism. A good collection of different looks at how East Asian fox legends can intersect with misogyny and the place of women in society.
North is the Night -- Tried to read this one. I got most of the way through. Eventually I couldn't help but give up. A good portion of the book--it feels like the majority, really--can be described as "woman demands supernatural being give exposition to her, is denied, asks again, gets it." It's clunky and it drags down the narrative. Rath includes a list of characters and glossary of terms; it would've been so much of a better choice to just let us use that rather than wasting them explaining things.
Open Throat -- Short and blunt. The problem is that the mountain lion at the center of the book doesn't come off as very mountain lion-y. Mostly they meditate over what-ifs. These don't wear out their welcome, but in large part that's because the book is short. I wouldn't recommend it but also it's a novella so it takes a couple hours to finish.
A Palace of the Wind -- Raised too many questions it didn't answer. I'm not sure they actually mattered, but without them there's not enough in the novella to interest me. Not enough character development happens over the pages to interest me--I don't get any sense of the protagonist other than "duty bound, really loves her people, hates where she is now"--and the Feng vs. human conflict relies on narrative tropes that are extremely well trodden, at least to me.
Servant of Earth -- I was prepared to not like this book--the back made it sound like romantic fantasy, which in my experience is usually quite bad. But I was pleasantly surprised that rather than romantic fantasy with some court politics, I was getting court politics with a tiny amount of romance.
Station Six -- AK Press generally publishes anarchist nonfiction but started getting into fiction recently, so we get this novella about an anarchist group unionizing on board a space station. It's okay, but the ending felt too abrupt.
Strange Beast of China -- Yan is definitely trying to say something deep and metaphorical but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is. Certainly you can interpret the beasts as minority groups, but it feels like there was more to it. My interest in the book petered out pretty rapidly once I was unable to determine what the more is. Call me pedestrian.
Sundial -- Excellent psychological horror. This one provided twists until the end, despite the fact that I skipped ahead to skim sections.
The Naturalist Society -- Vaughn wrote a story where knowing taxonomy gives you magic powers. Naturally, I loved it. It's a wonderful look at natural history in a fantasy setting, as well as a tale of a woman attempting to overcome the sexist attitudes of the time.
The Navigating Fox -- A fox goes on a trip to Hell. This one didn't land with me. I'd read Rowe's story on Tor that was published first and was in the same setting, and I'd enjoyed it, but I was unsatisfied at the end of this since what I saw as the central mystery (where did the Navigating Fox come from) went unanswered. This was the point, and it's a good point, but in the absence of an answer the rest of the narrative wasn't compelling enough.
The Nightward -- They tried to do a post-apocalyptic science fantasy, but they don't do a good enough job of leading up to it and sort of spring it on the reader at the last moment (there are a few signs earlier, but not that many). It's the first book in a series, so a good sequel might help.
Playground -- This one was alright, I guess. Powers weaves a decent narrative about four people united by one island, but the main character was a regretful tech CEO and while he was compelling I felt like much of the narrative was missing. I never actually found out why two of the characters ended up on the island in the first place, and while that could be because I had to finish it really quickly I don't think it was.
Update on Health, and Other Things
Jun. 10th, 2025 07:52 pmSo, I am now better. Mostly. My arm is still fractured, but it's out of its sling and its splint. I can't put too much weight on it and not all of its range of motion is back yet, but other than that I'm good to use it as I normally do and it can almost extend fully like it used to. My hand is another matter. It aches a lot, and I wonder if the splint was on too tight or if a tendon or something got damaged in the fall. I'm waiting to hear back from the doctor as to if I should come in to get it looked at again. It's only sometime an issue, though, so I'm still able to type and paint and stuff.]
The concussion symptoms are almost entirely gone. I got a headache when I worked for an entire day, until late evening, but other than that no issues and the headache vanished by morning. And yes, I'm back at work despite my arm, albeit irregularly. A relief, since I need the money; I want to keep my student loans from ballooning.
Other than that things have been mostly boring. It's been raining a lot around here and I've been working on art and writing projects.
The concussion symptoms are almost entirely gone. I got a headache when I worked for an entire day, until late evening, but other than that no issues and the headache vanished by morning. And yes, I'm back at work despite my arm, albeit irregularly. A relief, since I need the money; I want to keep my student loans from ballooning.
Other than that things have been mostly boring. It's been raining a lot around here and I've been working on art and writing projects.
Citra's Bad Health Month
May. 27th, 2025 07:28 pmFull body poison ivy plus a concussion plus a broken arm suck. And no, they weren't all at once.
I'll probably update this later with more information when I don't have a headache.
EDIT: Okay, the medium length version.
I attempted to ride a bike in the rain. Normally this would be fine and it wasn't raining heavily. Unfortunately, someone had, in an attempt to fix a pothole, put up a road plate covering the entire lane that stood up an inch off asphalt. I hit it and went flying. Next thing I knew people were standing over me and I was being loaded into an ambulance.
I'm mostly fine--got off lucky, really. The concussion is mostly healed a few days later though occasional brain fog and tiredness are concerning issues. I'm not sure when those will go away fully and it does give me anxiety. The arm is out of the sling though I still need to wear a splint due to a potential finger injury.
Can't go to work for at least a couple weeks and I don't know when brain fog late evenings will vanish. That's the concerning bit.
I'll probably update this later with more information when I don't have a headache.
EDIT: Okay, the medium length version.
I attempted to ride a bike in the rain. Normally this would be fine and it wasn't raining heavily. Unfortunately, someone had, in an attempt to fix a pothole, put up a road plate covering the entire lane that stood up an inch off asphalt. I hit it and went flying. Next thing I knew people were standing over me and I was being loaded into an ambulance.
I'm mostly fine--got off lucky, really. The concussion is mostly healed a few days later though occasional brain fog and tiredness are concerning issues. I'm not sure when those will go away fully and it does give me anxiety. The arm is out of the sling though I still need to wear a splint due to a potential finger injury.
Can't go to work for at least a couple weeks and I don't know when brain fog late evenings will vanish. That's the concerning bit.
How Tetesh Made the World
May. 10th, 2025 10:43 pmAbout a month or so ago, the Wanderer's Library--a collaborative writing site I'm a member of--created a sword and sorcery setting revolving around a caravan that travels the desert and the four species that live in the desert. Then we made some fiction for it, which is all collected (along with the setting information) here. My contribution, in addition to a very short in-setting herbal, was this myth. It's on the website here but I thought I'd post it here as well.
For reference, the yaka are a species of hexapodal foxlike beings. In the modern day, they're silver, though in this myth they aren't--yet.
( Cut for length. )
For reference, the yaka are a species of hexapodal foxlike beings. In the modern day, they're silver, though in this myth they aren't--yet.
( Cut for length. )
Latest Watercolors
Apr. 25th, 2025 09:44 pmAs always, feedback and critique are welcome.
( Pictures below the cut. )
More Watercolors
Mar. 27th, 2025 03:52 pmSince January, I've been quite busy, so have a look at what I've gotten up to since. Artistic critique is appreciated, if anyone has it. If you want a picture to get bigger, just click on it; they function as hyperlinks.
( Pictures below the cut. )
( Pictures below the cut. )
Escaping the Box
Feb. 22nd, 2025 06:18 pmFor the longest time, I viewed myself as "masculine by way of inertia." It wasn't like "man" was something I clung to strongly, but it was what everyone else said I was and I was fine enough with it that, despite growing up knowing many trans and nonbinary people, I didn't feel that I was one. But in my interpersonal interactions online, I came off as androgynous enough (or at least my name did) that people would assume I was a woman. I have usually found this hilarious and rather liked people not being able to tell.
There was always some part of me that wasn't fully comfortable with masculinity, or at least its stereotypical format. I liked jewelry and shaving. Despite having progressive parents I stopped wearing jewelry; I kept shaving my face but only shaved my legs once. It wasn't even over any harassment. I was masculine because of inertia, I therefore did masculine things, and I didn't feel strongly enough about those to keep it up.
But as I've gotten older, what started out as an inoffensive box has grown more cramped as I find that I have a certain affinity for appearing androgynous. I like the pointed, narrow features. While I wouldn't mind fur I don't like body hair (it's too curly). I can't really pull off the appearance (I have too much body hair and not enough normal hair), unfortunately.
Being nonbinary would be the obvious conclusion. The problem is that when I look back, a large part of my discomfort wasn't just because I was put in the wrong box, it was because I was put in a box at all. And I'm not sure how to integrate a desire to escape this framework entirely. I like the idea of appearing androgynous, but while online that's as easy as using my theriotype as a profile picture and not specifying gender, offline that's done through fitting into people's ideas of what a stereotypical nonbinary person looks like. And while I don't entirely mind that image, it's still a box.
There was always some part of me that wasn't fully comfortable with masculinity, or at least its stereotypical format. I liked jewelry and shaving. Despite having progressive parents I stopped wearing jewelry; I kept shaving my face but only shaved my legs once. It wasn't even over any harassment. I was masculine because of inertia, I therefore did masculine things, and I didn't feel strongly enough about those to keep it up.
But as I've gotten older, what started out as an inoffensive box has grown more cramped as I find that I have a certain affinity for appearing androgynous. I like the pointed, narrow features. While I wouldn't mind fur I don't like body hair (it's too curly). I can't really pull off the appearance (I have too much body hair and not enough normal hair), unfortunately.
Being nonbinary would be the obvious conclusion. The problem is that when I look back, a large part of my discomfort wasn't just because I was put in the wrong box, it was because I was put in a box at all. And I'm not sure how to integrate a desire to escape this framework entirely. I like the idea of appearing androgynous, but while online that's as easy as using my theriotype as a profile picture and not specifying gender, offline that's done through fitting into people's ideas of what a stereotypical nonbinary person looks like. And while I don't entirely mind that image, it's still a box.
Watercolors
Jan. 30th, 2025 09:05 pmGlasswork, unfortunately, has been a bust. The place I wanted to do it is far out of my price range; there were additional fees I wasn't aware of going in. If I had a job that payed really well, I could afford the fees; they weren't unreasonable (less than one hundred per month for regular access to the workshop, but certification to use it costed a couple hundred). But I don't.
What I can do is practice colored pencils and watercolors. Which I've been doing. I'm terribly out of practice with colored pencil (and I was never good) and an amateur with watercolor, but what I've managed at least looks kind of nice.
I'm going to try some more landscapes and nature scenes. Right now I'm working on practicing eyes, which are good for practicing blending colors and shadows. And I was already decent at eyes in other mediums.
What I can do is practice colored pencils and watercolors. Which I've been doing. I'm terribly out of practice with colored pencil (and I was never good) and an amateur with watercolor, but what I've managed at least looks kind of nice.
I'm going to try some more landscapes and nature scenes. Right now I'm working on practicing eyes, which are good for practicing blending colors and shadows. And I was already decent at eyes in other mediums.
Ugh. Mark 2.0.
Jan. 8th, 2025 10:01 pmI continue to fail at finding work! I've had interviews over the past month, yes. But it's been weeks and nothing's come of them. There's another one this week for a technician position (not going to go into the details on a public post), yet I've basically given up hope at this point. The final straw was a manual labor position saying they wanted to interview me, not sending me the Zoom link, rescheduling, not sending me the Zoom link again, and then after I tracked down their number and called them, promising me an interview and then not sending me one. At that point they're either malicious or wildly incompetent, but I'm still taking it as an omen.
The job market is shit. It's going to continue to be shit. The fact that it's shit is, I suspect, partially deliberate; HR departments are putting up fake jobs (those are estimated to be 30% of job postings, by the way) in part to intimidate employees and I'm sure some of them are thinking, "If we make getting a job as torturous as possible, our employees will never quit and any new hire will be pathetically grateful for scraps." There is a real possibility that by this time next year I still don't have a job.
And I've been applying for gas station attendant positions!
I don't want to hear optimism at this point. Pessimism feels better.
Winter holidays were at least pleasant. My brother was over for Hanukkah, along with his girlfriend (who I'd met before and whom I like). We did not have much in the way of latkes but did make some sweet potato ones. And we got to go hiking. There were ducks.
I wasn't able to give much in the way of gifts. I'm working on art projects that I'm going to give instead, and some of the gifts I got from other people will help me do that. I've started working with watercolors and will be working with glass again soon. And I was already creating kumihimos--no, not kumihos, I like my liver too much for that. I'm by no means that good at art, but I'm not terrible for a total novice. It'll at least be welcome on the wall for reasons other than them being family.
With the weather I'm not spending as much time outdoors as I normally do. The weather is frigid but it's not snowing, which is always the worst combination. I don't like snow or ice, but if it's frigid the world should look nice rather than just looking dead. And on that note I really do need to go through the camera trap at some point and see what wildlife we have in thewoods pathetic strip of trees behind the house.
I've at least been able to spend more time with local groups. There's a local crafts group I'm going to join and the local game shop hosts some events. At this point I've long since stopped having anything to do with the local synagogue. I tried, but I can't go from reading about Israeli war crimes to hanging out in a building dripping with Israeli nationalist symbology* just because I share a religion with those people.
* This is not unusual for a synagogue. Yes I know that sounds stupid. It's still true. There's Israeli flags in the classrooms.
The job market is shit. It's going to continue to be shit. The fact that it's shit is, I suspect, partially deliberate; HR departments are putting up fake jobs (those are estimated to be 30% of job postings, by the way) in part to intimidate employees and I'm sure some of them are thinking, "If we make getting a job as torturous as possible, our employees will never quit and any new hire will be pathetically grateful for scraps." There is a real possibility that by this time next year I still don't have a job.
And I've been applying for gas station attendant positions!
I don't want to hear optimism at this point. Pessimism feels better.
Winter holidays were at least pleasant. My brother was over for Hanukkah, along with his girlfriend (who I'd met before and whom I like). We did not have much in the way of latkes but did make some sweet potato ones. And we got to go hiking. There were ducks.
I wasn't able to give much in the way of gifts. I'm working on art projects that I'm going to give instead, and some of the gifts I got from other people will help me do that. I've started working with watercolors and will be working with glass again soon. And I was already creating kumihimos--no, not kumihos, I like my liver too much for that. I'm by no means that good at art, but I'm not terrible for a total novice. It'll at least be welcome on the wall for reasons other than them being family.
With the weather I'm not spending as much time outdoors as I normally do. The weather is frigid but it's not snowing, which is always the worst combination. I don't like snow or ice, but if it's frigid the world should look nice rather than just looking dead. And on that note I really do need to go through the camera trap at some point and see what wildlife we have in the
I've at least been able to spend more time with local groups. There's a local crafts group I'm going to join and the local game shop hosts some events. At this point I've long since stopped having anything to do with the local synagogue. I tried, but I can't go from reading about Israeli war crimes to hanging out in a building dripping with Israeli nationalist symbology* just because I share a religion with those people.
* This is not unusual for a synagogue. Yes I know that sounds stupid. It's still true. There's Israeli flags in the classrooms.
Well, That Happened.
Nov. 6th, 2024 09:52 pmIt really has been quite a while since I updated this.
For months my job search went very poorly, to the point that I wasn't getting any interviews; I must've applied for 150 positions in my field over the past few months. That got me nothing, so I started applying for positions outside them. At first it was stuff related to my interests, but as of late it's been gas station attendant positions. Honest work, but really not what I wanted to be doing.
It turns out that a lot of job openings are "ghost jobs" these days, and they're using AI bullshit to filter out results. So I have no idea how many of the positions I applied for I ever really had a shot with. I assume that the ones in my field were real because I just don't think state agencies or NGOs are likely to do that, but I don't know. And the jobs I applied for on Indeed, some of them are probably fake.
I did eventually find work, though. Now I've got employment doing manual labor and will be starting next week. It pays pretty well and so I've decided I won't be moving across the country to Iowa even if I do get a job offer in my field. Probably, anyway. I might make an exception if it's a really good job.
I came to the reluctant conclusion that I may be a weeb after realizing that while I have no interest in anime or manga, I like Japanese folklore, traditional architecture, art, ikebana, bonsai, and kumihimo. A friend then pointed out that definitionally weebs get all their knowledge of Japan from anime, so I may be an anti-weeb instead.
Regardless, I've taken up kumihimo weaving again and am trying to make a little curtain out of the ropes, then attach beads to the end. I'm going with an ocean theme and will post it once I'm done. I'm also hoping to take up glasswork again once I have the disposable income to afford a new torch. Flower arranging... I'll give that a shot in the spring.
Oh, and I should really finish those Wanderer's Library pieces I'm working on. I'm like 90% of the way done with a few entries and have a decent start on one where a human woman discovers she is much happier as a fox, but they sit unfinished in my sandbox. Perhaps more caffeine will help.
Scientifically, I continue to help with a few projects I'm not going to go into detail over in a public journal entry.
Oh. And Harris lost.
Like, she lost by a lot. I know some of you aren't from the USA and believe me when I say that it's genuinely shocking she did this badly; the entire country shifted to Trump. Urban voters, minority voters--Trump (relative to 2020, at least). Republicans won the Senate and I suspect they're going to win the House. CrimethInc argues that a large chunk of why is simply that in the modern era incumbents are generally unpopular and I suspect they're right.
As far as what to take away from this, since everyone and their dog is giving their take: The far-right wants us to feel helpless and intimidated. During 2020 there were mass uprisings in the USA and a majority of the public backed a police station being burned down. Mass action works and the ruling class is afraid of the population. I've been linking to the Slingshot Collective's contact list for a while, but also check out any Food Not Bombs chapters near you (note that those chapters are not all currently active; FNB is shit about updating their website).
I wish I could give a neat directory of places that do squatter's and tenant's rights because given the atrocious housing crisis it's necessary. I can't think of much else better for suppressing people than to make them on the edge of losing housing, have housing be nearly impossible to get once you don't have it, and have the police harass homeless people. Unfortunately there is no such directory that I could find.
There is not going to be a neat switch flipped where in January the USA goes from a democracy to a fascist dictatorship; while Trump would go for it if he went to 100% immediately he'd face too much unrest (yes, even from some of those people who voted for him mostly because they didn't like Biden). He may lay groundwork that someone else ends up using further down the line, but I suspect he will be dead by then. There will be democratic backsliding in the short term though, and if it's to be reversed I don't think it'll be reversed by a political party but by mass action.
For months my job search went very poorly, to the point that I wasn't getting any interviews; I must've applied for 150 positions in my field over the past few months. That got me nothing, so I started applying for positions outside them. At first it was stuff related to my interests, but as of late it's been gas station attendant positions. Honest work, but really not what I wanted to be doing.
It turns out that a lot of job openings are "ghost jobs" these days, and they're using AI bullshit to filter out results. So I have no idea how many of the positions I applied for I ever really had a shot with. I assume that the ones in my field were real because I just don't think state agencies or NGOs are likely to do that, but I don't know. And the jobs I applied for on Indeed, some of them are probably fake.
I did eventually find work, though. Now I've got employment doing manual labor and will be starting next week. It pays pretty well and so I've decided I won't be moving across the country to Iowa even if I do get a job offer in my field. Probably, anyway. I might make an exception if it's a really good job.
I came to the reluctant conclusion that I may be a weeb after realizing that while I have no interest in anime or manga, I like Japanese folklore, traditional architecture, art, ikebana, bonsai, and kumihimo. A friend then pointed out that definitionally weebs get all their knowledge of Japan from anime, so I may be an anti-weeb instead.
Regardless, I've taken up kumihimo weaving again and am trying to make a little curtain out of the ropes, then attach beads to the end. I'm going with an ocean theme and will post it once I'm done. I'm also hoping to take up glasswork again once I have the disposable income to afford a new torch. Flower arranging... I'll give that a shot in the spring.
Oh, and I should really finish those Wanderer's Library pieces I'm working on. I'm like 90% of the way done with a few entries and have a decent start on one where a human woman discovers she is much happier as a fox, but they sit unfinished in my sandbox. Perhaps more caffeine will help.
Scientifically, I continue to help with a few projects I'm not going to go into detail over in a public journal entry.
Oh. And Harris lost.
Like, she lost by a lot. I know some of you aren't from the USA and believe me when I say that it's genuinely shocking she did this badly; the entire country shifted to Trump. Urban voters, minority voters--Trump (relative to 2020, at least). Republicans won the Senate and I suspect they're going to win the House. CrimethInc argues that a large chunk of why is simply that in the modern era incumbents are generally unpopular and I suspect they're right.
As far as what to take away from this, since everyone and their dog is giving their take: The far-right wants us to feel helpless and intimidated. During 2020 there were mass uprisings in the USA and a majority of the public backed a police station being burned down. Mass action works and the ruling class is afraid of the population. I've been linking to the Slingshot Collective's contact list for a while, but also check out any Food Not Bombs chapters near you (note that those chapters are not all currently active; FNB is shit about updating their website).
I wish I could give a neat directory of places that do squatter's and tenant's rights because given the atrocious housing crisis it's necessary. I can't think of much else better for suppressing people than to make them on the edge of losing housing, have housing be nearly impossible to get once you don't have it, and have the police harass homeless people. Unfortunately there is no such directory that I could find.
There is not going to be a neat switch flipped where in January the USA goes from a democracy to a fascist dictatorship; while Trump would go for it if he went to 100% immediately he'd face too much unrest (yes, even from some of those people who voted for him mostly because they didn't like Biden). He may lay groundwork that someone else ends up using further down the line, but I suspect he will be dead by then. There will be democratic backsliding in the short term though, and if it's to be reversed I don't think it'll be reversed by a political party but by mass action.
Recent Book Reviews
Sep. 29th, 2024 09:49 pmFeed Them Silence. When I'd first heard from Tor that they were publishing this book, I put it on my "to read someday" list and I was not disappointed. It's the story of a scientist who uses an experimental technology to experience what a wild wolf experiences. She's trying to give more emotive depth to a research project on wolf behavior, studying one of the last packs left in the Midwest. But while she does that, her marriage starts to fall apart and using the technology has consequences for her--and the pack. At times we've had discussions over what novels are therian novels. I think this one either counts or is on the edge of counting. It's a short text at only 101 pages, so there's not enough room to explore the subject much. But Sean's mind is clearly affected by her experience in ways beyond mental stress and she picks up a couple quirks from inhabiting the mind of a wolf.
I recommend it, especially to any other scientists on this forum.
The Lost Spells. This is Robert MacFarlane and Jackie Morris' book of nature-related poetry. The last time I read good poetry was over a decade ago so I'm not qualified to say much of it, but I the imagery was vivid and the watercolors were beautiful.
One Day All This Will be Yours. Adrian Tchaikovsky is one of my favorite writers, so when seeing he wrote this I decided to try it. I regretted it. This is attempt at writing humorous time travel fiction. It sucked and I couldn't finish it. I'm not sure what it is that makes me hate it so. Maybe it's the clash of humor with by far the most misanthropic narrator I've seen a professional author write. Maybe it's the constant asides by the first-person narrator, which feel as if each of them is accompanied by a wink and a nudge. Maybe Tchaikovsky just can't write comedy worth a damn; it's not like the good books he wrote had much in the way of humorous moments. When I tried to read it I at first thought it was a really old book, and he'd gotten better since. But no, he wrote it in 2021. Not sure what went wrong there.
The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity. It calls itself a history, but I think "anti-history" would be just as appropriate--while most such histories attempt to create grand narratives about how human history worked, The Dawn of Everything wrote a book that critiques the very notion of a unidirectional path of history in the first place. They do a very good job of calling it into question, showing how at the regional scale we see dramatic changes in politics and culture that can't be fit into standard narratives about how history is supposed to work. We're introduced to extremely violent holy tyrants who nevertheless were openly ignored by their subjects, transitions between different types of authority then back again, and cities with strongly stratified cultures but no distinct leaders or signs of extreme concentrations of wealth among the presumed ruling class.
There are running themes throughout the work. The authors argue, very well, that we have proof of conscious political consciousness and experimentation long before the modern period in cities such as Teotihuacan and that many cultural divisions--even ancient, long-running ones--were self-created by people to define themselves against what their neighbors did. In the end though the primary argument of the book is that there is no "running theme" for human history, and I certainly came away convinced.
I recommend it, especially to any other scientists on this forum.
The Lost Spells. This is Robert MacFarlane and Jackie Morris' book of nature-related poetry. The last time I read good poetry was over a decade ago so I'm not qualified to say much of it, but I the imagery was vivid and the watercolors were beautiful.
One Day All This Will be Yours. Adrian Tchaikovsky is one of my favorite writers, so when seeing he wrote this I decided to try it. I regretted it. This is attempt at writing humorous time travel fiction. It sucked and I couldn't finish it. I'm not sure what it is that makes me hate it so. Maybe it's the clash of humor with by far the most misanthropic narrator I've seen a professional author write. Maybe it's the constant asides by the first-person narrator, which feel as if each of them is accompanied by a wink and a nudge. Maybe Tchaikovsky just can't write comedy worth a damn; it's not like the good books he wrote had much in the way of humorous moments. When I tried to read it I at first thought it was a really old book, and he'd gotten better since. But no, he wrote it in 2021. Not sure what went wrong there.
The Dawn of Everything: A New History of Humanity. It calls itself a history, but I think "anti-history" would be just as appropriate--while most such histories attempt to create grand narratives about how human history worked, The Dawn of Everything wrote a book that critiques the very notion of a unidirectional path of history in the first place. They do a very good job of calling it into question, showing how at the regional scale we see dramatic changes in politics and culture that can't be fit into standard narratives about how history is supposed to work. We're introduced to extremely violent holy tyrants who nevertheless were openly ignored by their subjects, transitions between different types of authority then back again, and cities with strongly stratified cultures but no distinct leaders or signs of extreme concentrations of wealth among the presumed ruling class.
There are running themes throughout the work. The authors argue, very well, that we have proof of conscious political consciousness and experimentation long before the modern period in cities such as Teotihuacan and that many cultural divisions--even ancient, long-running ones--were self-created by people to define themselves against what their neighbors did. In the end though the primary argument of the book is that there is no "running theme" for human history, and I certainly came away convinced.
Someone Tried to Shoot Trump
Jul. 13th, 2024 11:36 pmToday, someone attempted to kill Donald Trump. Unfortunately, they failed. I've heard conflicting accounts on if they grazed his ear or if he got hit by glass shrapnel, but he got superficial damage and (unfortunately) a good photo of him standing with his fist raised and blood coming down his face. We know nothing about the shooter except that they are dead. One other person is dead, and someone else is apparently in critical condition. Someone else is, I've heard, in custody but we have no details.
Some people are saying that this is staged. I think that's dumb. Real bullets were used. Someone is dead. Does anyone think that Trump would actually trust anyone to shoot in his direction? I could see him faking something using blanks, I guess (though I suspect he thinks he doesn't need to). I get the desire to find out that this was Trump's idea, since it would be politically useful. Certainly I'd like for it to come out that he knowingly shot one of his own rallygoers. It'd make enthusiasm for him drop. But it's just not true.
What this looks like to me is that someone angered by his politics tried to shoot him... because duh, if you think he's going to become a dictator and threaten the lives of people you care about, you'd be tempted to take a shot if you thought you had no other options and he wouldn't just get replaced. Frankly, this moment is ripe for that. Biden's chances of success look dim and he will almost certainly be the nominee. Trump doesn't have a vice presidential candidate picked out, so there's no clear successor and the Republicans would be fighting over who gets to be the nominee. You remember everyone talking about how a contested convention would be bad for the Democrats? Well it wouldn't be great for the Republicans either, and Trump made everything about him and his personal brand to a degree that no one else really has.
I'm not saying that's why the shooter acted. I don't really know. But it is the reason I wasn't very surprised when I heard someone tried to assassinate him.
Far as what happens now? I'm somewhat hopeful that this doesn't move the needle very much in American politics, simply because a lot of people are wishing the shooter's aim was a little to the right right now and politics are already very polarized. It definitely won't be any help--trying to assassinate someone and failing is the worst of both worlds--but everyone fucking hates each other anyway and there's months until the election.
This said it won't take much to make a Democratic win impossible, at least with the poll numbers we've seen so far.
I do think this portends more political violence. The shooter is dead. But he came pretty damn close to accomplishing their goal and quite literally put the scent of blood in the air. If Trump wins--pretty likely, at this point--I think he's going to be even more comfortable with political violence than he was before. Nearly getting your head blown off tends to make people act more harshly.
The consequences of this will not be pleasant to live through.
Some people are saying that this is staged. I think that's dumb. Real bullets were used. Someone is dead. Does anyone think that Trump would actually trust anyone to shoot in his direction? I could see him faking something using blanks, I guess (though I suspect he thinks he doesn't need to). I get the desire to find out that this was Trump's idea, since it would be politically useful. Certainly I'd like for it to come out that he knowingly shot one of his own rallygoers. It'd make enthusiasm for him drop. But it's just not true.
What this looks like to me is that someone angered by his politics tried to shoot him... because duh, if you think he's going to become a dictator and threaten the lives of people you care about, you'd be tempted to take a shot if you thought you had no other options and he wouldn't just get replaced. Frankly, this moment is ripe for that. Biden's chances of success look dim and he will almost certainly be the nominee. Trump doesn't have a vice presidential candidate picked out, so there's no clear successor and the Republicans would be fighting over who gets to be the nominee. You remember everyone talking about how a contested convention would be bad for the Democrats? Well it wouldn't be great for the Republicans either, and Trump made everything about him and his personal brand to a degree that no one else really has.
I'm not saying that's why the shooter acted. I don't really know. But it is the reason I wasn't very surprised when I heard someone tried to assassinate him.
Far as what happens now? I'm somewhat hopeful that this doesn't move the needle very much in American politics, simply because a lot of people are wishing the shooter's aim was a little to the right right now and politics are already very polarized. It definitely won't be any help--trying to assassinate someone and failing is the worst of both worlds--but everyone fucking hates each other anyway and there's months until the election.
This said it won't take much to make a Democratic win impossible, at least with the poll numbers we've seen so far.
I do think this portends more political violence. The shooter is dead. But he came pretty damn close to accomplishing their goal and quite literally put the scent of blood in the air. If Trump wins--pretty likely, at this point--I think he's going to be even more comfortable with political violence than he was before. Nearly getting your head blown off tends to make people act more harshly.
The consequences of this will not be pleasant to live through.
Book Stuff
Apr. 27th, 2024 11:03 pmJust finished Life on the Rocks by Juli Berwald and Regenesis: Feeding the World without Devouring the Planet by George Monbiot. The former was an interesting look at the science of coral conservation. The sections on coral resilience were both fascinating and uplifting, even with the caution that the science on the subject is still far from resolved--but I felt that it was greatly dragged down by Berwald's habit of going into long, personal anecdotes about her daughter's struggles with OCD. Some may find that compelling or something that gives a more personal touch to a book about science. I don't. It felt voyeuristic and out of place, and while her daughter did consent to her portrayal in the book after the first few anecdotes I found them too difficult to read through.
Regenesis, on the other hand, I liked more. Monbiot's explanation of the science behind food production seemed pretty well put together and avoided easy answers, which is a frequent flaw of anything that looks at food production. He certainly has his biases, but they influence his writing less than some of the other authors I've read (Savory, for instance, is pretty infamous for misrepresenting science in his talks on his grazing method).
I'm in the middle of reading Dazzling by Chikodili Emelumadu.
[Reposted from the Werelist.]
Regenesis, on the other hand, I liked more. Monbiot's explanation of the science behind food production seemed pretty well put together and avoided easy answers, which is a frequent flaw of anything that looks at food production. He certainly has his biases, but they influence his writing less than some of the other authors I've read (Savory, for instance, is pretty infamous for misrepresenting science in his talks on his grazing method).
I'm in the middle of reading Dazzling by Chikodili Emelumadu.
[Reposted from the Werelist.]
Once upon a time, there was a job board called TAMU. It wasn't actually called TAMU, but "Texas A & M University wildlife job board" is long so I (and everyone else I know) called it TAMU. TAMU was pretty awesome because it had basically every job in my field that there was, at least in the USA (and they sometimes had ones overseas, too). And it wasn't just jobs, they had some grants, graduate assistantships, volunteer opportunities, and more. A lot of people wouldn't have ever gotten employed without TAMU.
Well, TAMU has been replaced with a new version, apparently after the place reorganized. And now it sucks. Used to be, everything was put into these mutually exclusive categories. The position was either temporary, full-time, a volunteer opportunity, or some other category. Now they appear to be using this non-exclusive tagging system. The result is that if you are an undergraduate looking for work experience, you're now directed to a whole bunch of jobs that are labeled "undergraduate experiences" because they take someone with a BS. If you want a permanent position, the 'full-time' jobs now just mean they work you for forty hours a week and include a lot of seasonal positions, which didn't use to be categorized as such.
It's still usable, technically. But it's a straight downgrade in what used to be a highly usable website.
Well, TAMU has been replaced with a new version, apparently after the place reorganized. And now it sucks. Used to be, everything was put into these mutually exclusive categories. The position was either temporary, full-time, a volunteer opportunity, or some other category. Now they appear to be using this non-exclusive tagging system. The result is that if you are an undergraduate looking for work experience, you're now directed to a whole bunch of jobs that are labeled "undergraduate experiences" because they take someone with a BS. If you want a permanent position, the 'full-time' jobs now just mean they work you for forty hours a week and include a lot of seasonal positions, which didn't use to be categorized as such.
It's still usable, technically. But it's a straight downgrade in what used to be a highly usable website.
The existence of social media that allows you to reblog things has been a plague upon the Internet.
Back before those sites gained traction, if someone had a blog, you'd be reading their thoughts. Maybe their thoughts were personal, maybe they gave away very little about the person's life but were about some scientific topic. Maybe their thoughts were not well put together or maybe they were really good. But you were reading their thoughts. You could actually form some sort of connection with people. It might not be super deep, but it could be. I met people who I got to know well through Dreamwidth, and I know people have formed even deeper connections.
That's not totally disappeared, but now when I look through Tumblr and Twitter blogs it's mostly reblogs or likes. I'm not actually getting to know the person, I'm getting to know what they like. If I want to find an original thought by this person, I have to trawl through a bunch of reblogs and likes to find it. There's exceptions but that's the rule. And it's not that these people don't have original thoughts (I know that isn't true; I know and respect many of them). It's just that I'm not seeing them.
But it still makes me feel like I can't actually get to know them, which is unfortunate both because there's people who seem cool that I don't know and people I do know that I only really see on Tumblr and Twitter now. Other people somehow manage to form deep connections through Tumblr and Twitter, but I'm genuinely not sure how they do it--whenever I look at the average person's blog, it just seems like a jumble of assorted stuff.
Back before those sites gained traction, if someone had a blog, you'd be reading their thoughts. Maybe their thoughts were personal, maybe they gave away very little about the person's life but were about some scientific topic. Maybe their thoughts were not well put together or maybe they were really good. But you were reading their thoughts. You could actually form some sort of connection with people. It might not be super deep, but it could be. I met people who I got to know well through Dreamwidth, and I know people have formed even deeper connections.
That's not totally disappeared, but now when I look through Tumblr and Twitter blogs it's mostly reblogs or likes. I'm not actually getting to know the person, I'm getting to know what they like. If I want to find an original thought by this person, I have to trawl through a bunch of reblogs and likes to find it. There's exceptions but that's the rule. And it's not that these people don't have original thoughts (I know that isn't true; I know and respect many of them). It's just that I'm not seeing them.
But it still makes me feel like I can't actually get to know them, which is unfortunate both because there's people who seem cool that I don't know and people I do know that I only really see on Tumblr and Twitter now. Other people somehow manage to form deep connections through Tumblr and Twitter, but I'm genuinely not sure how they do it--whenever I look at the average person's blog, it just seems like a jumble of assorted stuff.
Don't Double Dip.
Dec. 10th, 2023 07:46 pmYou've been told never to get COVID. You've been told never to get the flu. Let me tell you that they go even worse together. I somehow managed to get both at once when visiting family for Thanksgiving. I'm not sure whom I got it from--probably not my parents, since they came down after I did, and it couldn't have been from a third party because I only went outside in isolated public parks. One of my other relatives seems the most likely possibility.
It was nasty. I've never had body aches from being sicky before. Injuries, yes; I've fallen down my share of slopes (and off a cliff, once); that hurt. But for two days I had trouble moving because I was aching, and at night even with four blankets I had chills. Then I had nausea, and the second worst case of congestion I've ever had. The symptoms lasted a week, though there was a gap of two days when I seemed to be fine.
Luckily, things have cleared up now.
As far as classes, I'm in the tail end of things. Finals have been going well--aside from my group presentations. Which, given that they're what I'm doing for two thirds of my classes, is a rather large wrinkle in things. It's not affecting my grades, but it's still been frustrating. For one class, my group-mate got injured and so I'm having to work by myself. Not their fault, but unfortunate for us both.
For the other? I put in a ton of effort, read like fifteen papers, but they ended up not using much of the research I put in to try and help them and their own work was, in my opinion, kind of sloppy. There were a lot of misspellings and grammatical errors. They didn't give really in-depth explanations of what they were talking about but gave superficial surface-level stuff you'd teach to a middle-schooler.
Given that we're graduate students, that's pretty frustrating.
Family is doing well. Unfortunately, I won't be with them for Hanukkah, because of finals. This is actually the first year in a while I haven't been able to visit them for it. Still, they visited today and I got to enjoy their company.
It was nasty. I've never had body aches from being sicky before. Injuries, yes; I've fallen down my share of slopes (and off a cliff, once); that hurt. But for two days I had trouble moving because I was aching, and at night even with four blankets I had chills. Then I had nausea, and the second worst case of congestion I've ever had. The symptoms lasted a week, though there was a gap of two days when I seemed to be fine.
Luckily, things have cleared up now.
As far as classes, I'm in the tail end of things. Finals have been going well--aside from my group presentations. Which, given that they're what I'm doing for two thirds of my classes, is a rather large wrinkle in things. It's not affecting my grades, but it's still been frustrating. For one class, my group-mate got injured and so I'm having to work by myself. Not their fault, but unfortunate for us both.
For the other? I put in a ton of effort, read like fifteen papers, but they ended up not using much of the research I put in to try and help them and their own work was, in my opinion, kind of sloppy. There were a lot of misspellings and grammatical errors. They didn't give really in-depth explanations of what they were talking about but gave superficial surface-level stuff you'd teach to a middle-schooler.
Given that we're graduate students, that's pretty frustrating.
Family is doing well. Unfortunately, I won't be with them for Hanukkah, because of finals. This is actually the first year in a while I haven't been able to visit them for it. Still, they visited today and I got to enjoy their company.
Yesterday, I was nearly run over twice. We've got a crosswalk near where I live, one with lights you activate by pressing a button. I pressed them, crossed, and was missed by an inch twice. At no point did they even bother to slow down. It was at night, yes, but I expect greater awareness, especially in a well-lit area and at a crosswalk. Then today I had someone nearly hit me in broad daylight, and they yelled at me for crossing before activating the lights, which we're not obligated to do and I had done anyway.
Drivers here are reckless idiots. I have a simple solution to solve this, though!
Pedestrians should carry around bats. Then when motorists nearly hit them, they should get to smash the motorist's car up. Just take a bat to the windshield, take one to the hood. Take one to the lights.
I see no problems with this.
Drivers here are reckless idiots. I have a simple solution to solve this, though!
Pedestrians should carry around bats. Then when motorists nearly hit them, they should get to smash the motorist's car up. Just take a bat to the windshield, take one to the hood. Take one to the lights.
I see no problems with this.
A Godsdamn Mess
Oct. 17th, 2023 10:26 pmAs everyone knows, unless they're living under a rock, Hamas attacked a bunch of largely civilian targets early this month. Israel for its part has decided that "never again" means "never again to us" and has killed way more civilians than Hamas as part of its continual effort to look worse than fundamentalist anti-Semites. Just recently they've bombed a hospital and tried to deny it, and the USA--which hardly knows restraint--had to intervene to get the water back on.
I don't know anyone in either region. Frankly I'm glad about that. Gaza is undergoing genocide by inches; I can't look at what Israel is doing and call it anything else. Especially when I read about how even "moderate" Israelis are often pro-ethnic cleansing. This is genocide, and so many of us condone it.
My synagogue growing up was very pro-Israel. I was not, or at least can't remember being. But I remember seeing CAMERA propaganda rags out, seeing books saying you can't be Jewish while being anti-Zionist (or that if you're both you're self-hating), and getting told that we needed it because we were always at risk. Israel government policy could be lightly criticized... but never very substantially. We have been content to tie ourselves to an abomination.
This makes it rage-inducing to see so many in the Diaspora who continue, after Israel starts throwing around genocidal language like "children of darkness" and "human animals" (does the state think Israelis are plants) and holds Gazans collectively responsible, to tie ourselves to it. They give Israel reflexive support, they say "I am Israel." Israel does not deserve support; at this point the state of Israel should be spoken in the same light as Hamas and we are dirtying ourselves by pretending otherwise. We should sever relations entirely.
Never again means never again, ever. I owe no loyalty or sympathy to any other Jews who'd perform genocide, and we should be their most fanatic enemies. There is no enemy greater than one who does an abomination and says it is in your name.
We should rip the state apart brick by brick.
I don't know anyone in either region. Frankly I'm glad about that. Gaza is undergoing genocide by inches; I can't look at what Israel is doing and call it anything else. Especially when I read about how even "moderate" Israelis are often pro-ethnic cleansing. This is genocide, and so many of us condone it.
My synagogue growing up was very pro-Israel. I was not, or at least can't remember being. But I remember seeing CAMERA propaganda rags out, seeing books saying you can't be Jewish while being anti-Zionist (or that if you're both you're self-hating), and getting told that we needed it because we were always at risk. Israel government policy could be lightly criticized... but never very substantially. We have been content to tie ourselves to an abomination.
This makes it rage-inducing to see so many in the Diaspora who continue, after Israel starts throwing around genocidal language like "children of darkness" and "human animals" (does the state think Israelis are plants) and holds Gazans collectively responsible, to tie ourselves to it. They give Israel reflexive support, they say "I am Israel." Israel does not deserve support; at this point the state of Israel should be spoken in the same light as Hamas and we are dirtying ourselves by pretending otherwise. We should sever relations entirely.
Never again means never again, ever. I owe no loyalty or sympathy to any other Jews who'd perform genocide, and we should be their most fanatic enemies. There is no enemy greater than one who does an abomination and says it is in your name.
We should rip the state apart brick by brick.
( Eye Health )
I'd like to see an eye doctor, but New Hampshire is a health care desert if you're on Medicaid. Some places have waiting lists stretching until January. It's the same situation as it was for dental work. Now, I was able to get my teeth cleaned (thank fuck) and I've got a lead on a place that can check my eyes, but like the dental place it's going to be a long car drive away.
This would be so, so much easier if healthcare providers could not decline Medicaid. Or if we had single payer. I'm pretty sure that would solve this. They can't discriminate according to health insurance company if there's only one health insurance, and it's through the government. If we're going to have the state anyway, it might as well do something useful....
I've had a lot of health problems lately; it's a fucking pain. They're not emblematic of any larger problems--it's an eye infection, insufficient tooth care, and acid reflux--and they're not causing permanent damage, but I still hate it.
University has also kicked up again. I'll post something on that, and some of the local nature walks I've done lately, later. This is mostly a whine. No cheese included.
I'd like to see an eye doctor, but New Hampshire is a health care desert if you're on Medicaid. Some places have waiting lists stretching until January. It's the same situation as it was for dental work. Now, I was able to get my teeth cleaned (thank fuck) and I've got a lead on a place that can check my eyes, but like the dental place it's going to be a long car drive away.
This would be so, so much easier if healthcare providers could not decline Medicaid. Or if we had single payer. I'm pretty sure that would solve this. They can't discriminate according to health insurance company if there's only one health insurance, and it's through the government. If we're going to have the state anyway, it might as well do something useful....
I've had a lot of health problems lately; it's a fucking pain. They're not emblematic of any larger problems--it's an eye infection, insufficient tooth care, and acid reflux--and they're not causing permanent damage, but I still hate it.
University has also kicked up again. I'll post something on that, and some of the local nature walks I've done lately, later. This is mostly a whine. No cheese included.
