citrakayah: (cutthecrap)
I continue to fail at finding work! I've had interviews over the past month, yes. But it's been weeks and nothing's come of them. There's another one this week for a technician position (not going to go into the details on a public post), yet I've basically given up hope at this point. The final straw was a manual labor position saying they wanted to interview me, not sending me the Zoom link, rescheduling, not sending me the Zoom link again, and then after I tracked down their number and called them, promising me an interview and then not sending me one. At that point they're either malicious or wildly incompetent, but I'm still taking it as an omen.

The job market is shit. It's going to continue to be shit. The fact that it's shit is, I suspect, partially deliberate; HR departments are putting up fake jobs (those are estimated to be 30% of job postings, by the way) in part to intimidate employees and I'm sure some of them are thinking, "If we make getting a job as torturous as possible, our employees will never quit and any new hire will be pathetically grateful for scraps." There is a real possibility that by this time next year I still don't have a job.

And I've been applying for gas station attendant positions!

I don't want to hear optimism at this point. Pessimism feels better.

Winter holidays were at least pleasant. My brother was over for Hanukkah, along with his girlfriend (who I'd met before and whom I like). We did not have much in the way of latkes but did make some sweet potato ones. And we got to go hiking. There were ducks.

I wasn't able to give much in the way of gifts. I'm working on art projects that I'm going to give instead, and some of the gifts I got from other people will help me do that. I've started working with watercolors and will be working with glass again soon. And I was already creating kumihimos--no, not kumihos, I like my liver too much for that. I'm by no means that good at art, but I'm not terrible for a total novice. It'll at least be welcome on the wall for reasons other than them being family.

With the weather I'm not spending as much time outdoors as I normally do. The weather is frigid but it's not snowing, which is always the worst combination. I don't like snow or ice, but if it's frigid the world should look nice rather than just looking dead. And on that note I really do need to go through the camera trap at some point and see what wildlife we have in the woods pathetic strip of trees behind the house.

I've at least been able to spend more time with local groups. There's a local crafts group I'm going to join and the local game shop hosts some events. At this point I've long since stopped having anything to do with the local synagogue. I tried, but I can't go from reading about Israeli war crimes to hanging out in a building dripping with Israeli nationalist symbology* just because I share a religion with those people.

* This is not unusual for a synagogue. Yes I know that sounds stupid. It's still true. There's Israeli flags in the classrooms.
citrakayah: (Default)
It really has been quite a while since I updated this.

For months my job search went very poorly, to the point that I wasn't getting any interviews; I must've applied for 150 positions in my field over the past few months. That got me nothing, so I started applying for positions outside them. At first it was stuff related to my interests, but as of late it's been gas station attendant positions. Honest work, but really not what I wanted to be doing.

It turns out that a lot of job openings are "ghost jobs" these days, and they're using AI bullshit to filter out results. So I have no idea how many of the positions I applied for I ever really had a shot with. I assume that the ones in my field were real because I just don't think state agencies or NGOs are likely to do that, but I don't know. And the jobs I applied for on Indeed, some of them are probably fake.

I did eventually find work, though. Now I've got employment doing manual labor and will be starting next week. It pays pretty well and so I've decided I won't be moving across the country to Iowa even if I do get a job offer in my field. Probably, anyway. I might make an exception if it's a really good job.


I came to the reluctant conclusion that I may be a weeb after realizing that while I have no interest in anime or manga, I like Japanese folklore, traditional architecture, art, ikebana, bonsai, and kumihimo. A friend then pointed out that definitionally weebs get all their knowledge of Japan from anime, so I may be an anti-weeb instead.

Regardless, I've taken up kumihimo weaving again and am trying to make a little curtain out of the ropes, then attach beads to the end. I'm going with an ocean theme and will post it once I'm done. I'm also hoping to take up glasswork again once I have the disposable income to afford a new torch. Flower arranging... I'll give that a shot in the spring.

Oh, and I should really finish those Wanderer's Library pieces I'm working on. I'm like 90% of the way done with a few entries and have a decent start on one where a human woman discovers she is much happier as a fox, but they sit unfinished in my sandbox. Perhaps more caffeine will help.

Scientifically, I continue to help with a few projects I'm not going to go into detail over in a public journal entry.


Oh. And Harris lost.

Like, she lost by a lot. I know some of you aren't from the USA and believe me when I say that it's genuinely shocking she did this badly; the entire country shifted to Trump. Urban voters, minority voters--Trump (relative to 2020, at least). Republicans won the Senate and I suspect they're going to win the House. CrimethInc argues that a large chunk of why is simply that in the modern era incumbents are generally unpopular and I suspect they're right.

As far as what to take away from this, since everyone and their dog is giving their take: The far-right wants us to feel helpless and intimidated. During 2020 there were mass uprisings in the USA and a majority of the public backed a police station being burned down. Mass action works and the ruling class is afraid of the population. I've been linking to the Slingshot Collective's contact list for a while, but also check out any Food Not Bombs chapters near you (note that those chapters are not all currently active; FNB is shit about updating their website).

I wish I could give a neat directory of places that do squatter's and tenant's rights because given the atrocious housing crisis it's necessary. I can't think of much else better for suppressing people than to make them on the edge of losing housing, have housing be nearly impossible to get once you don't have it, and have the police harass homeless people. Unfortunately there is no such directory that I could find.

There is not going to be a neat switch flipped where in January the USA goes from a democracy to a fascist dictatorship; while Trump would go for it if he went to 100% immediately he'd face too much unrest (yes, even from some of those people who voted for him mostly because they didn't like Biden). He may lay groundwork that someone else ends up using further down the line, but I suspect he will be dead by then. There will be democratic backsliding in the short term though, and if it's to be reversed I don't think it'll be reversed by a political party but by mass action.

A Fable

Mar. 19th, 2024 09:05 am
citrakayah: (determined)
Once upon a time, there was a job board called TAMU. It wasn't actually called TAMU, but "Texas A & M University wildlife job board" is long so I (and everyone else I know) called it TAMU. TAMU was pretty awesome because it had basically every job in my field that there was, at least in the USA (and they sometimes had ones overseas, too). And it wasn't just jobs, they had some grants, graduate assistantships, volunteer opportunities, and more. A lot of people wouldn't have ever gotten employed without TAMU.

Well, TAMU has been replaced with a new version, apparently after the place reorganized. And now it sucks. Used to be, everything was put into these mutually exclusive categories. The position was either temporary, full-time, a volunteer opportunity, or some other category. Now they appear to be using this non-exclusive tagging system. The result is that if you are an undergraduate looking for work experience, you're now directed to a whole bunch of jobs that are labeled "undergraduate experiences" because they take someone with a BS. If you want a permanent position, the 'full-time' jobs now just mean they work you for forty hours a week and include a lot of seasonal positions, which didn't use to be categorized as such.

It's still usable, technically. But it's a straight downgrade in what used to be a highly usable website.
citrakayah: (Default)
I swear that about 99% of jobs in my field are dealing with fish. Specifically, game fish. It can be a little annoying when looking at job boards, because, well--I have less than no interest in dealing with fisheries. I might be willing to make an exception for something like salmon conservation, where the fish in question is also of conservation concern in its own right, but anything that's focused around maximizing fish yields--no.

That's not why I got into this field.

My job search is going decently--not going to go into details on a public entry--but it does feel a lot like nongame wildlife gets the short stick. This is why I have mixed feelings about the impact of hunting and fishing dollars. It funds important work, to be sure, but how does it affect the priorities of conservation agencies?
citrakayah: (Default)
Got contacted about a job. No firm commitments on their part, but it's more interest than I've gotten in months. We'll see how it goes. I think I'm going to be a pretty good candidate.

I have finally finished Shadows of the Apt, after several months. If that sounds like a long time, well, it's a series of ten novels. My ultimate verdict is that it probably could have used fewer fight scenes, but was still pretty good. I'd recommend it if you like military fantasy that is more than just a themeless slugfest, morally ambiguous heroes and villains, and an examination of the ultimately self-defeating nature of totalitarianism.

There are several other books I'm in the middle of reading. The Otter's Tale, which I actually finished, is a fascinating semifictionalized account of a family of otters, mixed in with information about the natural history of the British population. How to Tame a Fox is one I've barely started, but it's a rare popular science book which was written by one of the scientists involved; I am very keen to see how that changes the quality of the work. The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories is a fascinating anthology by a master of short stories--you can read some of his stories for free online, like "Good Hunting" or "The Paper Menagerie".

Also, made a new flower arrangement! I think the orchid's flower spike goes well with the sprays of pine needles.



RPGs go well. I'm still running the war plot on Kaerwyn. Since it occurs to me that I've never described the plot despite talking about it: The PCs are on my character's homeworld to try and stop a war from breaking out between Kemet (revanchist ancient Egypt) and the Southern Basin (anarchist cheetahs with hands). They're currently in Kemet, having traveled across the Republic of Aksum to get to Kemet.

Unfortunately, preventing war will be very hard, because the Sassanids want a war since it will weaken Kemet, the Nubians Kemet conquered want a war because they think it will allow them to revolt, and some Kemetics and people from the Southern Basin want a war because they think it will advance their own position or they just really hate the Pharaoh.

I think I've set up one of my players to eat the Pharaoh, actually.
citrakayah: (Default)
I went to the botanical garden a few weeks ago, for the Japanese festival. It was pretty nice--they had a display of bonsai and ikebana out, and all of them were absolutely gorgeous. I've never seen so many bonsai in one place before, and I'd never considered how useful branches could be in flower arrangements before seeing the ikebana. They make the arrangements much more dramatic, and make them seem to flow much better. And since it was the botanical garden, they had all sorts of interesting flowers used in the arrangements.

I got my own flower arrangement base and have been practicing. It's not great weather for it, since most of the year's flowers are gone, but I've done a couple attractive arrangements. Here's one below:



And here's a professional one:



I also went to the zoo, since I was in the area. There was a delicious looking gazelle:



There's something about just how delicate they looked, and that they were acting just a little bit nervous, that set off the metaphorical dinner bells inside my head. Yum.

Also these guys were cute:



There were some cheetahs, but I couldn't get good pictures of them because the trio was lounging around in the shade fifty meters away from me. They did what cats do best and slept for the entire time I was there. The snow leopard and the Amur leopard were not sleeping, they were pacing around... looked like both were interested in each other. The Amur leopard was mostly interested in shredding their neighbor's ears, given how they hissed every time the snow leopard walked by; in comparison the snow leopard was far more polite.

Other news? Didn't get the job I was hoping to get, which sucks. I really thought I had that one.
citrakayah: (Default)
The job I've got pays well. It's pretty decent all things considered. But.

It's all inside; where I work there are almost no windows and it's under fluorescent lightning. I'm isolated from the weather; even in thunderstorms I'm lucky to hear them over the chirping and banging of the HVAC system--which booms many times a week, startling me out of my skin. I'm disconnected from the plant and animal life. There are many potted plants in the hallways, but it's simply not the same. And, well, it's kind of shitty as far as exercise goes.

And I liked working outside. When I was in the Northeast, I got caught in thunderstorms--but that gave me a thrill. Sure, it was occasionally annoying, but only mildly. It wasn't as if I was in real danger from getting soaked; the only time I minded was when there was a major squall and it was really cold so I was sprayed with cold seawater for the entire time.

Even if it hadn't given me a thrill, seeing the horseshoe crabs, and the hermit crabs, and the birds, and the sunsets over the bay, would have made it more than worth it. But there's not so much nature around here. Oh, there's some--monarch butterfly caterpillars, woodpeckers, the neighborhood owl, robins and rabbits and squirrels and blue jays. Flies and beetles and wasps swarming the boneset. But there's less of it, and I spend most of the day isolated from it. It doesn't ground me like it did when working in the field.

The notion that you can feel more like yourself is, I suppose, by nature a false one. However you feel, that is what you are. If you feel like an emotionally numb worker staring at your email inbox, that is what you are. But the parts of me that I like the most and made me feel like the self I identify as were most present when working in the field.

Makes sense, I suppose. My view of myself is wrapped up in wilderness and wildness; working inside for long periods was never going to be too good for me.

New Growth

Apr. 30th, 2020 10:57 pm
citrakayah: (Default)
The plants are doing well. The butterfly garden established in the fall is... well, it's not quite as successful as I'd hoped; we didn't get any butterfly weed showing up, not yet. But the blazing star is coming up and growing rapidly, the boneset is coming back up, and the asters are coming back. And they will spread; boneset in particular seems to spread well. It's only been in the garden for a couple years, but we went from one plant to eight.

I've an apple tree outside my window, and the bees have been loving it. We (me and my mother) think we'll probably plant another one where the dying apple tree currently is, and maybe this time we'll actually get one with large, edible apples.

Also mounted a bird feeder outside my window! Where I am the squirrels can't get to it, so the birds have eagerly been devouring it all. Yesterday I saw a red-headed woodpecker, which was quite a treat. The cat loves it, of course, and when the window's closed the birds seem surprisingly tolerant of her. Perhaps they don't see her as well.


I've finally run a plot for Kaerwyn (a creative writing roleplay site). It did not work out well, though... it kind of worked out better than I thought at first? People thought the plot was too short, which is good to know, but also I've learned that I tend to railroad. But people really liked my ability to describe completely alien environments. I have ideas about how to use that advice, so at least it was a learning experience.


I was furloughed about a week ago. I get 75% pay, blessedly, but it's still somewhat concerning--and while I expect to be back to my job by the end of the summer interim, I've been wrong before.

Mostly right now I'm trying to use the time I've got to help out around the house and get some of my personal projects done so it's not a total wash. Applied to a job, but don't expect to actually get it.
citrakayah: (Default)
Saw my first Gila monster last week--hopefully, the first of many. Saw desert tortoises and a rattlesnake, too.

I spent most of my week removing bufflegrass. It's an invasive species from Africa that grows very well in the Sonoran Desert--unfortunately, it chokes out native plants and catches fire easily. Fire isn't common in the desert, so the blazes that can sweep through an area infested with bufflegrass can turn it into a bufflegrass monoculture. It's everywhere. While they've done a good job removing it from infested areas, it's a constant battle and it's expanding in range. There are, apparently, some proposals for biological control methods, but nothing yet. And ever since being introduced to it, I've been spotting it everywhere. There's some right outside where I live. Planning on yanking it up ASAP. I've learned to hate the stuff and it's only been a week.
citrakayah: (determined)
I'm doing well in my internship. When I started, I was worried I wasn't going to be able to keep up with the other interns, which quickly turned out not to be the case. According to the senior intern, I'm pretty fast, though that may be as much due to other interns not focusing on their work as it is due to any natural skill I have.

Regardless, while I'm enjoying it a lot, I'm having to find another position soon; the internship lasts for the spring and I want to work over the summer. So far, I've applied to a few positions, mostly things in the Southwest. I've always wanted to live there, and it's actually warm down there. There are a surprising number of carnivore technician positions, but few in the area I'd like to live in--but it's seasonal work, so I'll be moving around anyway.

I did get a phone call back from a position in Massachusetts, so I may be moving up there. It's near Boston, which is nice. During the summer it should be nice and warm, and I can collect beach glass and visit my brother, who has gone to school at Brandeis.

I'm also considering volunteer work. There are a few positions that technically don't pay anything, but give you free room and board. You aren't ending up with money, but you aren't worse off and you get stuff out of it. One of the ones that's caught my eye would be in the South Pacific, on Johnston Atoll.


Personally, I'm okay. The weather doesn't suit me well, but I'm dealing, and I'm not too depressed.


Also, the dead raccoon, from earlier? I called it in two months ago and it is still there.

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Citrakāyaḥ

May 2025

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