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About a week ago I moved back to Carbondale for college. This worked out less well than I'd hoped, since I was assigned to share a room with someone who had a dog. I could deal with the dog at least in theory, but the cat who I was bringing with me could not.

So I got moved downstairs with three other people, where I immediately discovered that the kitchen was not sanitary for preparing food, and that I was sharing the place with someone my mother happily decided was a "bookish law student." Over the course of a week he proved to be anything but, as in addition to leaving the caps from his beer bottles out on the porch, he cursed us out for complaining to management about the mess in the kitchen, and eventually decided that he was an "alpha male" who should not have to deal with the "beta male" (me) "getting in his face."

So I got moved again, this time to a three bedroom unit, with two people I actually get along with--they also get along with the cat. Thank goodness.

Laptop is currently broken, so I'm using public computers until it gets fixed. Don't know how long that will be.

First lab meeting is next week on Friday. I'm definitely looking forward to it--I miss being able to help with research.
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Summer is going well so far; I actually have work experience now. Currently I'm not being paid because the university has no money because Certain Individuals Who Shall Not Be Named defunded Illinois (university budget is getting slashed by 40%, IIRC). Everyone's pretty pissed about it.

My internship itself is pretty awesome. Right now we're doing an experiment to determine how heavy metal pollutants affect fish larva survival if nighttime cooling is eliminated. The fact that some of the fish die is pretty horribe, but the survivors are released after their most vunerable stage and I'm hopeful the data will be of use to bluegill populations.

There have been a couple BLM demonstrations recently, and there's one scheduled for tonight. At one of them some asshole tried to run a protestor over and carried them a good few hundred feet before stopping. That particular asshole currently has a smelly car and got punched.

I'm going to the one tonight.
citrakayah: (Default)
Fall semester is over. Classes went very well, to the point where I'm eligible to get back on Honor Roll. Next semester I'll be taking nearly all biology/zoology courses, which I can only hope goes as well as it did this semester. Right now I'm trying to get into a herpetology seminar--one that's normally not for undergrads--but I should be able to get in as soon as an override can be issued.

All my professors were competent this semester, even if I was frustrated by the English professor's insistence that splitting infinitives was grammatically incorrect.


Saw The Force Awakens. It was good, but drew pretty heavily from the original trilogy, and I think that weakens it. Even if they had to, for some reason, recycle the "destroy a giant superweapon before it destroys us" they could've at least not made it just a bigger Death Star. And the way it operates is just absurd, as is the fact that the weapon firing is visible on the random planets the heroes are on.

And people say Star Trek doesn't make sense.


I tried alcohol for the first time recently. Hated it--I tried two fairly sweet red wines, but the taste of alcohol was just too much. I think I managed to get tipsy off just a few sips, too, though that might have been a combination of placebo and drinking on an empty stomach. And I'm a lightweight.

I'm pretty sure Pumpkin had more of a tolerance for alcohol than I do. Silly cat would try to stick his face into beer glasses whenever he got the opportunity.


Missed Hannukah, unfortunately. So no latkes and gambling for me. I did get to Skype my parents, though.
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I'm back at college now, and getting back into the routine. Not that that's always easy, but I'm doing a better job of it than last year... I hope.

Have five classes--Animal Diversity, Alternative Media in Diverse Society, Intermediate Analytical Writing, Principles of Genetics, and Chemistry--most of which I think are going fairly well. So far the subject matter seems fairly straightforward in all of them, with one exception.

That exception is Alternative Media, which has more jargon than seems necessary, which also raises the question of why COMMUNICATIONS majors have textbooks which seem indecipherable, and which seem to use far more complicated language than is actually necessary. I have this textbook by this Chris Atton person which is incredibly dense. The other textbook appears to be easier to understand, thankfully.

Of course, it may be that it's a 200 level course and I didn't take a 100 level course in the same class grouping (Speech Communication 101 was similar though, I suppose). In any event, if I run into major problems, I predict they'll be coming from that course.

For Animal Diversity I will apparently have to do dissections, but I'll live--unless I faint and break my neck on the way down, but that's unlikely. I really don't buy the rationale behind it, since I just don't see how this is actually necessary, but I don't have any real choice. And the instructor (and the TA, who's in charge of the lab) doesn't either.
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Been a month since I last wrote anything. School has been difficult, to say the least. My brain feels like it is full of fog, and doing anything not school-related that takes actual thought and willpower is hard. I could be doing worse, no question about that, but I have a good deal of inertia keeping me in place. The more I'm inactive--anywhere--the harder it is to get the ball rolling again. I'm a creature of habit, after all. And currently the habit is "crawl into bed, blow up enemy ships, and do absolutely nothing."

Which I hate.

I did get a review paper on isopods done, which was interesting to do. Had to do a lot of reading, and learned a lot as well. Among other things, I learned that Bergmann's rule has a long and checkered history, that most people think giant woodlice are cool, and that deep-sea isopods are not nearly as terrifying as old nacho cheese Doritos.

Other students in ZOOL 215 are doing their projects on feral cat colony management, the role of venom and bacteria in Komodo dragons, and turtle evolution. The first and last did fairly well, the middle one did not do enough research. I say that because in the question-and-answer session I asked about a possible test for bacteria uptake that seemed sort of obvious, and she said that that would be a good idea and someone should do that test. When I got back to my dorm, five minutes on Wikipedia linked me to a paper that had that very setup.

Despite the season, it's been cold lately, and it rained heavily today. I was caught outside at the beginning of it; I let volunteer hours slip away from me and I'm having to do a whole bunch at once. And because I'm an idiot and I suck, I missed the bus, so tried to walk over to the Science Center to volunteer. Naturally I got completely lost, but ultimately I did manage to get there... so good for me, I guess. Even if volunteering at the Science Center isn't the most pleasant task, what with all the loud children, it's something.

Formally changed majors from architecture to zoology, and have an appointment on Monday to talk about the possibility of doing field/lab work for graduate studies. I'm skeptical of my chances, given my lack of training, but it can't hurt.

Read some good books lately. The Virals series, which I've always liked, had two books I hadn't read, and some guy named Charles de Lint wrote a trilogy called Wildings which was pretty interesting. Also found some pretty... interesting... music by a person named Vertigo Fox. I usually hate the genre he works in, but the lyrics and general feel are interesting enough to overlook it.


Oh, and apparently we have MRAs on the Werelist. Granted I wouldn't expect anything different from the person who believes that plants "evolved beyond the use of brains," but still, it's rather frustrating.
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I haven't been doing that well lately. For the most part my issues are academic in origin, but I'm a college student, so that affects everything else. So when my grades suffer, or I feel like I'm not doing well or understanding the material well enough, I get depressed, I start to seclude myself... These days, it feels so hard to care about anything, and I feel powerless, useless, and flat-out stupid.

One thing I do know is that I'm not cut out for architecture. I've dropped one of my classes, ARC 242, which was a woods class. I liked that class. I liked the teacher well enough, I liked the lectures... but when it came down to it, I just wasn't capable of doing well in the class. I'm still taking Pyramid Guy 2: Electric Betelgeuse, aka ARC 232, but only because taking both classes will get me a fine art credit. Which I need.

I've also learned that when it comes down to it, I am very much a coward. Rather than deal with the possibility of humiliation, I flee. Not entirely surprising, but still a problem.

So I don't know entirely what I'm going to do. I do know that I'm transferring to zoology, and that that might help somewhat. I know that I won't be going into architecture, and that a fundamental part of my identity is gone--as fundamental as my identity as a therian, or my identity as a skeptic.

Architecture was how I justified my own existence, and how I avoided going insane from the knowledge I had. My belief was--and still is--that if we as a society are ever going to amount to anything of importance, anything that lasts, we have to broaden our horizons and be willing to work with any other sapient species in the universe. Also we'd have to avoid not wrecking our environment. In any event, we had to more or less get over our own egos and stop seeing ourselves as the center of the world.

Space--not outer space, but the environment around us--shapes how we relate to each other and the world. When I see something like Faner Hall, I see something that, in addition to looking like shit, was antithetical to the ideals I believe in.

A long time ago, I decided that that would be my mission--to design buildings that were closer to this, and attending architectural classes, I was always struck by how buildings that I considered absolutely abominations were praised. Seriously, there was constant praise for the same philosophy of design--and the same exact person--that produced this. That was what Corbu would do to Paris. Meanwhile, the terminology and phrasing used in describing designs, and design philosophy, frequently seemed overcomplicated.

But I can't do that anymore. I know that I will die. I know that everyone I love will die, and we shall all cease to exist. I also know that unless we somehow beat the odds, the universe will die. Ultimately, even if our legacy manages to survive the Sun's death, nothing will experience it. Nothing will benefit from it, nothing will look upon it and say, "This is good." We might as well have never existed.

I don't know what, ultimately, my path will be. At the rate I'm going I won't have much of a significant one, since both this and last semester I haven't done so well in class and this naturally causes crippling levels of anxiety and lack of confidence to the point where I wonder if I'm at all suited for college.

Granted, I don't have to decide for a while, and I need to focus on getting my life straightened out first, but not having certainty is... scary.
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So we were presented this scenario in my history discussion section.

In December of 2014, one of the remote provinces of our nation (the Republic of Tanzarundi) became a zone of conflict with the discovery of a key mineral used in portable communication devices. This resource can be sold internationally for huge profits, and the extraction of this mineral will provide many jobs for citizens willing to work there.

Here’s the problem: People already live in the part of the province where the mineral is located. These people include a few small bands of foragers, who rely on gathering, hunting, and fishing. Transforming this province into an extraction enterprise will certainly disrupt the environments these people need to live as they do now. In fact, it will possibly destroy many of the resources they need (local water supplies and animal habitats, especially) and ruin places they consider sacred. Once the valuable mineral was discovered last November, speculators quickly moved in with the provincial military force somehow getting entangled with different groups of speculators. This led to violence between speculators competing to access the mineral, as well as violence against the local forager groups. When folks throughout our nation heard about this, many went to protest and to create human shields to try to protect the foraging groups and the places where they live. It’s messy with the potential to get really violent soon. But there also appear to be possibilities for defusing the conflict without more violence.

As the advisory council to our national government, we need to determine the course of action for this crisis. Right now the people of our nation are not sure what we should do, and most are likely to support whatever policy we set forth as our course of action. But we have to persuade them that our course of action is ideal for this to work and ensure that we do not set off responses that could lead to widespread disorder and conflict.

Let’s be honest here. This is not really about “jobs/profits vs. environment.” We can let the less civilized nations squabble over such simplistic binaries. And this is not even about protecting the foragers who live there, although we have their most sacred animal as our national symbol on our flag (the irony is just too much, isn’t it?). This is really about us, all the people of the Republic of Tanzarundi, and who we are as human beings. Are we people who satisfy our wants and needs through violence and war because it is a normal (maybe even "natural") thing for human beings to do? Or, are we people who are not prone to make war and can come up with non-violent ways to solve our fundamental problems?

The history of humanity is complicated when trying to determine this matter. We can see conflicting interpretations in the scholarly readings we have to help us craft our policy. This advisory council has designated you as the lead member to define our policy. First, read the scholarly writings on this topic. Second, compose an argument that insists on a military solution using three ideas from Keeley’s writing, or compose an argument that insists on a non-military solution using three ideas from Wells’ writing. Do your best to convince our people that your policy is a true reflection of who we are and who we can be as human beings.


Guess what people in my class defended?

The "Trail of Tears" solution. Because obviously the lives of the tribe doesn't matter compared to the jobs and money.

That was literally their reasoning.

Burnout

Oct. 4th, 2014 05:42 pm
citrakayah: (Default)
I'm tired.

My architecture workload is... exhausting. I feel like I barely manage to get stuff done on time, which is indeed the case. Heck, that's if I manage to get stuff done on time; I didn't for the last project even if I had a valid excuse (funeral). I wasn't the only one; half the class it seems had the same issue. Except they didn't have to go to a funeral.

Same thing for the studio class. The teacher is not happy with the class, and I can hardly blame her. I'm not happy with myself either.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really made out for this, if this is what everything is going to be like. I don't have the mental ability to be that focused on work only. I should be, and every time I do anything except work I feel a bit guilty, but I don't have that ability, even if other people did, because before I never really needed it.

If I'm not made out for this program... I really don't know what I'll do. Be miserable? My entire future, for the past five or six years, has revolved around the idea that I would be an architect.

There are online communities I'm part of, and I want to read what people are writing and respond to it, but I can't for long periods of time. Because I need to work, and it's one thing to do something that doesn't take large amounts of focus and another thing entirely to actually put thought into something.

And short of posting a short inane reply somewhere--which feels kind of insulting--I feel like I can't reply, because I'm using all my mental and emotional energy on doing the goddamn cross section of a house in AutoCAD.

There are replies, journal entries, posts on the Werelist by people who have put a lot of thought into what they're writing. I feel like I can't do similar.

So... burnout, I guess.
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My grandmother died, which actually is one of the least bad things to happen to me this week, since I wasn't that close to her. If anything, I'm upset because I'm not upset, which is something I swear I am one of the few people stupid enough to actually get upset over.

Random Person: "Are you upset?"
Me: "No. So actually kind of yes."

Wasn't a big deal, though, so I slept it off. Worked like a charm. I will have to miss classes this Friday, though, to go to the funeral.

More problematic is, well, school--Pyramid Guy's teaching methods are as arcane as ever, and appear to be based off some bizarre wizardry that I don't understand, since the questions he gives us to answer during the lecture aren't all answered by his lecture, and he goes over important stuff not in the questions.

Also he spent a lot of time on the test on things he didn't really go over or emphasize in class. When he gave us a copy of the test to study, several of the questions were worded differently (which doesn't sound like a big deal until you realize that the questions on the copy included bits of information that weren't in the test) and the questions were worth different point values.

I have an eight page essay on Cahokia due Monday, for the same class, I might add.

Made a campaign homepage at Obsidian Portal; I'm officially calling the campaign (and the game setting) Terra Chronos.


Oh, and started a writing contest with Mobius on the Werelist to try to pick up activity, because the site has been growing less active recently. There's information here. Essays are accepted... but honestly I, personally, would be more likely to vote for fiction/poetry/similar stuff.
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My bullshit detector has been hyperactive today!

1. This one was actually a misfire, it appears, but someone put on their thesis statement that we should use regolith for 3-D printing houses on the Moon. Later investigation indicates that this refers to using regolith as a component of a mix that would set into a concrete-like substance, which could indeed be quite useful.

Of course, they didn't specify that, but oh well.

2. We had a substitute professor in Architectural History, and apparently they just walked in and turned on a video, which I mercifully didn't see all of. I say "mercifully" because it was called The Pyramid Code, it was first shown on History Channel, and it managed to trump the average ancient alien rubbish by coming up with new and interesting pyramid bullshit.

3. We have our very own Brother Jed. *goes off to pretend to be an atheist Satanist communist socialist fetus-eating heathen pagan*

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So, college has started. I’m taking multiple architecture courses, a biology course, and a course on speech communication. So far, the biology couse seems to be the most interesting, even if I will have to negotiate my way out of dissections. Because, if there is one thing I can’t really do, it is dissections of animals. Plants are quite fun to dissect, especially if you can laugh maniacally while doing so.

Went to Philadelphia, and met up with Mobius and Lindiel, who are awesome, at the Philadephia Zoo. Got up to various wacky adventures, ranging from establishing that ducks experience rebellious teenage years to hating Victorian architecture. Also, we are all united in a hatred of small loud children. Also in Philadelphia, discovered the wonders of pub fries with spicy ketchup, high quality gelato, and pistachio cream sauces. *licks lips* And I have found blueberry vanilla goat cheese.

Back home, my mother developed a strange obsession with canning things, which is why there are currently a whole bunch of pickling green beans. I personally doubt it will end well. I also found a whole bunch of vegetarian recipes, which I would dearly love to try cooking.

------------

Found Souls, joined, and have found it to be a great deal of fun. It’s a post-apocalyptic setting where you play a werewolf (canine changed by a virus, not a human altered—humans don’t figure in the roleplay because they’ve been almost entirely wiped out) called a Lupercai. I’m not a huge fan of the limited lifespan—Lupercai can live maybe 18 or so years at most—but you can hang around as a ghost indefinitely, so there’s that. Aside from the ability to transform, the presence of ghosts is the only magic allowed in the setting.

Haven’t gotten any writing done in a while, so roleplaying in Souls could help stimulate that. I want to get work on Spiritwalkers done, as well as expand the game world for the Pathfinder campaign. Currently on the Australia sourcebook, which has:

* a civilization that spans the entire Indo-Pacific region and rides giant turtles large enough to support entire ecosystems
* the point where life began
* cults, cults, and more cults
* references to the Inferno

I hope to also provide:

* details of Sunhill, both its people and structure
* specifics on the Apocalypse Wars
* the full text of the pact between the greatest powers of the universe that prevents them from acting directly
* a discussion on how the Australian spirit world works (I’ll have to study legends of the Dreamtime to figure this out, though it’ll be in broad strokes—but I’ve been calling Australia the Dreamlands, and Aboriginal legends are too interesting not to include in some capacity)
* hints to the Africa sourcebook, as well as the Antarctic one
* details on how raccoons got to Australia

------------

Unfortunately I haven’t been paying much attention to the news, though I have heard what happened in Ferguson, and am naturally quite disgusted. Also rather unsurprised that there are the usual apologists saying, "Oh, we don’t know what happened" (okay, I suppose that if there’s no video of the incident that may be technically true) and "He lunged at the officer and the officer shot him in self defense." Of course, police in this country are pretty much immune from real consequences of their actions.

This is why every single officer should have a body camera attached when they are working. They’d be a lot less likely to do such things if they knew they had a camera attached to them, and we’d be able to point to close up video evidence in every single case.

Which is probably why in the places that did this, incident rates dropped like a fucking stone.

------------

Joined Atlas Obscura, which is full of interesting things, ranging from a bioluminescent bay, to a bioluminescent cave, to a field of lightning rods, to an abandoned missile base, to a place where they keep a bunch of snakes in big outdoor enclosures and use them to produce antivenom. I highly recommend it, and there are even a few locations in Kirksville. Lame locations, but still locations.
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1. I have two thoughts at the same time. First, I love Rift. It is fun, free to play, and I am harder to kill than a mutant alien cockroach. Second, I hate Rift, it eats up so much time.

Needless to say, those two thoughts cannot both be true--well, they can, but it is dissonance--and I am currently leaning towards being rather angry at myself. Which isn't good, really... I have had a problem with getting disgusted at myself, and it doesn't feel good. Perhaps this can be used for good, but it is still... bothersome.

2. Related to that, haven't gotten to reply to a bunch of entries by other people in a while. If I suddenly show up after a month's absence to reply to an entry, that is why--it's been sitting open as a tab and I haven't gotten around to it, even though I should have.

Also I haven't uploaded what I've written for my LGBT+ history class, even though I said I would. This will be rectified shortly. (EDIT: Actually, I didn't say that, and I'm not completely sure why I thought I did. So forget that last bit.)

3. Classes have been going well, though--been getting A's and high B's. I am, by far, one of the most active student in both World Civilization II and Lesbian and Gay History discussions. And no one really seems to mind. So... moderately confident that I will continue to do well.

4. Been working on various projects. I would say that I will have the Werelist Census of 2013 done soon, but I've been saying that to myself for a few months and there's still that last bit, because I am a lazy bum.

5. I am also working on a campaign setting, with the current area being Australia. It's basically using Earth's map and biosphere--I'm using (with permission, of course) the concept presented here and running with it to create a campaign world. Seven elements, seven orbs, seven planets.

The PCs in the campaign I'm running are going to go to each continent... Australia is their starting place, and associated with the Inferno (elemental plane of fire). Next, I think, will be Asia. The acitan (albeit a tweaked and improved version) will make a major appearance in Africa, and they're already mentioned as having been involved in one of the five apocalypse events the Harbringer of the Apocalypse (a very driven, very forceful celestial) was involved with.

Oh, and did I mention that the Harbringer of the Apocalypse lost one a thousand years ago that ended in severe global climatic disruptions? Yeah, it's that kind of setting... except you don't have to sit down and take it.
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Back at college, and, rather ironically, that is actually less of a workload for me. Due to various factors beyond my complete control,I was unable to complete the architectural log that was due in ARC 121, so the teacher talked me into accepting an extension. I was reluctant at first because it went against my personal sense of honor, but when it's such a significant grade... well, it's easy to cave. When I have the architecture log back, I'll upload the drawings, and when it's done being graded I'll upload what essays I've written. Mostly they consist of my architectural musings on green walls, Vincent Callebaut, and how I disapprove of UAE dick-waving contests that lead to opulent, giant, sprawling cities being built in the middle of the desert to assuage the ego of a powerful ruler.

Aside from that, though, I did very well with my final grades--I got one B and the rest were A's. Naturally, my parents were rather pleased with this development. I predict I won't do as well this semester, though, because I ended up with a 400 level class... and I'm a freshman in my second semester. I mean, I'm moderately confident that I can pass, but still...

Since I had to change which architecture section I was in, I ended up having to drop out of one class, and picked another. The other class I picked was Lesbian and Gay History 4-something-or-other, which, to my surprise, means that (barring failure), I will get a minor in history this semester. Which I'm pretty sure qualifies me more than some middle school teachers I've had. Oddly, Lesbian and Gay History is GLBT+ History. Is there some rule preventing them from using acronyms? If there is, is there also a maximum character length?

Speaking of which, an academic journal on trans* studies (at least, that's what it appears to be from what I've seen) has sent out a call for academic papers. I'd like to try my paw at submitting a paper, but I really don't have the expertise, qualifications, or knowledge of the jargon--so I'd end up looking like an idiot. Beyond that, I'm not completely clear on where they're going with their idea. There's very little data, so I would be limited to finding essays that explored the concept, of which there are not many.

But hey, if someone else was planning (or is planning after reading the call) to submit a paper, I look forward to seeing it.

The Pathfinder campaign I'm running is going rather well; I've started detailing some ideas for a more exhaustive setting--with major countries, political structures, et cetera--but it helps that I've already got some information--for instance, information on a bunch of Elemental Planes--already written. And I'll probably custom-build some monsters and races. *rubs hands together* I have some very... devious... ideas.

Should be able to get many of my projects--like the Werelist Poll of 2013, a few sections of the Pokemon fanfiction, et cetera--done soon, since my workload is fairly light, at least for now. And you guys should see more of me around; I haven't commented on various people's journals (or on the Werelist) as much as I'd have liked to.

I'm also going to try to be more social IRL, which I hope ends well.

Oh, and I was beating the highest ELO debater on Debate.Org in a tournament debate, but then mysteriously five heavily conservative judges show up within five hours of each other, one of which acknowledged being contacted by my opponent and abstained because the first paragraph of my opponent's argument made him facepalm. So now I'm losing by nine points.
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1. Haven't gotten enough sleep. Get to sleep at like 12:00 or so, wake up at 6:30 or so. Not cool. Ugh. Kitty needs sleep. I need to be lazy kitty, lounge around, sunbathe, that sort of stuff.
2. Have gotten architecture work done, yay! And it's good, and some of my art that I've done for the course is pretty good. Finished an essay on green walls, focusing on the aesthetics--I covered the projects Dragonfly (which I love), the Tori Tori restaurant (which I love, but would add a nice sweet-smelling vine to the outer trellis facade), and the PNC green wall (which I think is poorly done and tacky).

Haven't gotten the pictures of my mask--which is a face covered with fallen, brilliant red maple leaves--yet. But it was excellent, and a lot of people liked it--and it took me five minutes. What I intend to eventually do, however, is take electroluminescent wire, and use those in a mask, then attach the mask to a green wall backing. It will be best displayed in the dark, of course, with only the green light of the EL wire illuminating the darkness.
3. English 120H is going pretty well.
4. I'm starting a Pathfinder campaign online on the Skype group for the unofficial Werelist Roleplaying Group. It's full, unfortunately, but I expect we'll all have a great deal of fun, and if it goes well someone might run another campaign at some point in the future.
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So I haven't been on that much, either on the Werelist (shocker, I know) or on other places, mostly because I have a metric ton of homework. Also, there is a spider on my desk. It is spinning a web. I just noticed this. Tʜᴇ ᴜɴɢʀᴀᴛᴇғᴜʟ ʙᴀsᴛᴀʀᴅ ᴡʜʏ ᴡᴏɴ'ᴛ ʜᴇ ɢᴏ sᴏᴍᴇᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ᴇʟsᴇ I ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴀɴ ᴀᴘᴘʟᴇ ᴏʀ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴡᴏʀʀʏɪɴɢ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ɪɴsᴇᴄᴛs ᴄʀᴀᴡʟɪɴɢ ᴀʟʟ ᴏᴠᴇʀ ɪᴛ. Excuse the rant, please, it is 9:15 at night. Why am I up so early late? Because I need a lamp. A lamp with argon, and a bit of mercury, so you get that lovely electric blue color, and I need it to be really small so I can fit it behind a mask for architecture. But now it is evidently a bad idea, so I am going to use EL wire. Lots and lots of EL wire.

I've registered on academia.edu. Upsides: Can now download many papers. Downsides: Worried that uploading what I write for college won't be considered academic enough (even if it's a term paper), and also somewhat concerned over adding therianthropy to my interests and following people on there that I know, since that data could theoretically be connected back to me.

Oh, and interesting thing about architecture is that since there's no syllabus what ends up happening is I think something is due tomorrow and it's due next week. Rinse and repeat. Over and over again.

So unfortunately I haven't been too good at keeping up with my friends and things that require my full attention. Things I can do in a minute or so like fixing a spelling error on a wiki, sure, but not journals. My apologies.

Also, the Werelist Poll of 2013 should be done actually it should have been done several months ago soon. Sorry for keeping everybody waiting (if anybody is still even interesting or remembers it). What I currently have done can be found here. As you can see, I've... well, I think that I've improved the format by analyzing the results to a greater extent. What do others think?

citrakayah: (Default)
Recently, I’d been part of a party of adventurers in a Dungeons and Dragons game that met every Saturday (though we were moving to Wednesdays and Fridays). Note the past tense.

Last night, I was taken aside and informed that group dynamics were “not working out.” Given that my character was straight-laced chaotic good and over half the part was chaotic/neutral/lawful evil (though I really think the chaotic evil character wasn’t that evil, since he was merely a sociopath who killed evil people), I can buy that. Or maybe I somehow managed to piss everyone else off and not notice it, and no one explicitly told me. And the GM is open to, perhaps later in the year, doing another campaign that I can participate in.

I’ll acknowledge that I was a bit upset due to the fact that I hadn’t noticed any such undercurrents, but I guess that’s the price one pays for being autistic and having few social skills. I’m a lot less elegant offline than online. Would have been nice for them to tell me what it was, though. On the other hand maybe it wasn’t anything specific.

In any event. This does give me more time to participate in things like the Wildlife Society (whose last meeting I missed), eskrima (last few meetings missed in part due to being unable to find the location), and various other things. But still, kind of unfortunate.

Would be nice to join another campaign, whether face-to-face, play-by-post, or IRC.

In other news:
  1. My echocardiogram was rather bizarre, at least in terms of my experience, though my heart was apparently normal. Also they won’t send me images of my echocardiogram, which is unfortunate because the video was kind of cool.
  2. I started a speculative evolution forum called Saecula Novae because the mod on Speculative Evolution did several things I disagreed with, including but not limited to: closing and deleting threads without formal notice, unevenly enforcing rules, and not creating forums for community projects like promised.
  3. Fuck anarchocapitalists. (Trigger warning: Sheer, mindblowing insensitivity to rape, which is used to score political points for a stupid ideology.)

Oh Fuck

Sep. 11th, 2013 09:21 pm
citrakayah: (on the defense)
So.

Today I was in Physics 203A. Physics 203A is, I might add, very boring. The instructor does a decent impression of a monotone and is generally the type of person who, while perfectly nice and decent, is also not the type of person you would want to teach a class.

I'm struggling to remain focus. I'm fairly sure I'm succeeding.

Then I suddenly discover that everything has changed and twenty minutes of passed.

I don't know what happened. That scares me, because I. Don't. Understand. Did I fall asleep? It didn't feel like falling asleep; while falling asleep I have perception of time passing. The case manager working with me things it could have been a seizure, but surely something like that... I don't know, it seems unlikely. And afterwards, I felt ill. Standing up was a fight, and my stomach was in rebellion.

Oh, and the same day I lost my wallet for a while and ran headfirst into a glass wall.
citrakayah: (Default)
Full Title: On the Subjects of College and Dorm Life and Classes and Moving In and Awesome Vegetarian Restaurants and Craft Studios With Glass And Ceramics With Free Glazes and Dogs I Actually Like and Long Titles. Also, PURPLE!!!!



I am so excited right now that I feel like I shall burst into a little nova of happy rays. I'm overexcited. I am so excited that the mere presence of a piece of wood makes me feel excited! So many awesome things have happened that I believe I have temporarily lost the ability to write in a calm uninflected tone of voice. Because I am in college!

Basic rundown:

1. Moved in. Moving in was rather stressful, because there was a fair amount of stuff to move, most of it basic supplies or books. The room was in fairly good condition, though the wood veneer beneath the sink is heavily damaged. Also, my father damaged an outlet covering, so we'll have to get a new one of those. My room is in Smith Hall--the Honors Living Learning Community.
2. Found the Craft Shop. They do classes on drawing, lampworking, ceramics, and pretty much everything else. The woodworking shop has supplies of purpleheart, which, for those who don't know, is exactly what it sounds like, but moreso: a deep purple wood. I have a rod of that the bark of the Australian rainbow eucalyptus or whatever it is called.
3. As I have a tablet (which is loaned to freshmen for reasons I don't fully understand) and could probably get a Kindle app for it, I plan on seeing if shapeshifter gay romance/erotica novels are actually any good. Call it morbid curiosity. Also, I have a room to myself, which is nice. (A note: I have taken a look phrase 'must find their mate' one more time I shall go insane. The books would be better as just straight porn. At least then what is obviously an excuse plot would not exist.)
4.rian meals on a regular basis--every day! The vegan stuff is available at a separate station at dinner, but it's easy enough to find, and anyway I'm not a vegan but a vegetarian, and there's lot of dishes that seem to be aimed towards people of my diet. And there are lots of vegetables and the hummus is fantastic.
5. As Youthful Rebellion is mandatory, I immediately ran out and got a tattoo... which is henna and was being given out for free at one of the activities. I got a rather crudely made cheetah, but I don't hold it against the skill of the tattooist much, because he was complicated.
6. Salukis! They're so zen and calm and quiet and nice. If you are a skitty kitty like me, having a dog bark in your face is quite intimidating. But salukis... mostly they just kind of lie around not doing much, or stand around being petted. Also they sometimes lick the floor if someone spilled something. Also, the ears are amazing.

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Citrakāyaḥ

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