On the Subject of Ugh

[citrakayah]

My grandmother died, which actually is one of the least bad things to happen to me this week, since I wasn't that close to her. If anything, I'm upset because I'm not upset, which is something I swear I am one of the few people stupid enough to actually get upset over.

Random Person: "Are you upset?"
Me: "No. So actually kind of yes."

Wasn't a big deal, though, so I slept it off. Worked like a charm. I will have to miss classes this Friday, though, to go to the funeral.

More problematic is, well, school--Pyramid Guy's teaching methods are as arcane as ever, and appear to be based off some bizarre wizardry that I don't understand, since the questions he gives us to answer during the lecture aren't all answered by his lecture, and he goes over important stuff not in the questions.

Also he spent a lot of time on the test on things he didn't really go over or emphasize in class. When he gave us a copy of the test to study, several of the questions were worded differently (which doesn't sound like a big deal until you realize that the questions on the copy included bits of information that weren't in the test) and the questions were worth different point values.

I have an eight page essay on Cahokia due Monday, for the same class, I might add.

Made a campaign homepage at Obsidian Portal; I'm officially calling the campaign (and the game setting) Terra Chronos.


Oh, and started a writing contest with Mobius on the Werelist to try to pick up activity, because the site has been growing less active recently. There's information here. Essays are accepted... but honestly I, personally, would be more likely to vote for fiction/poetry/similar stuff.

Comments

[yourdeer]

If anything, I'm upset because I'm not upset, which is something I swear I am one of the few people stupid enough to actually get upset over.
I know that feeling. It's how I feel basically every time someone in my extended family is not well, and it is mostly how I felt when my granddad died about 2 years ago. The only genuine upsetness I did feel at the time was not grief for his death, but distress at my mom's grief for his death. Spent a while being like, "WHY AM I NOT SAD I ACTUALLY LOVED THIS PERSON WHAT THE FUCK."

[citrakayah]

Glad to know I'm not the only one.

[epsilon_pegasi]

I had a lot of conflicted feelings over my lack of feelings at my own grandfather's death, as we were extremely close, closer than I've ever been to any other family member. There's no "correct" emotional response to a death in the family. There's no need to feel guilty for not grieving. I'm a huge critic of the "5 stages of grief" myself, and the shame it puts on people who don't conform in therapy settings. There's no "proper" way to process death, even if there has been much fuss put into manufacturing culturally acceptable ones. Just let yourself be.

Thanks for mentioning the writing contest here, or I might have missed it. I can definitely submit a piece for the winter solstice, but for the deadline on Tuesday I can't promise anything. Maybe I can churn out a short poem, if I manage to get some free time.

[citrakayah]

You can submit things you've already written for this one contest, mind.

It's interesting--the "five stages of grief" were apparently originally used for people getting over the own imminent death, not the death of someone else.

Thank you for the support.

[scatteredshells]

YES YES 5 stages of grief is... well maybe helpful for some? But also ignorant and patronizing and generalizing and amero-centric and LINEAR and incomplete and and and...

Processing death varies sometimes quite drastically across cultures. And also among individuals.

I know it's not as. Easy as telling yourself once that it's okay and even, dare I say it, normal for you to process the way you do. Nooo, not so easy. But over time, I find reminding myself these things, also support from those who feel similarly, and even research into different cultural norms regarding death, all that over time helps.

[scatteredshells]

I wan't upset by the death of several relatives either. Even some I was close to. Sometimes I miss them, or get upset my mom/friend/whoever is upset.

I know what you mean by getting upset that you're not upset.

You're not the only one. Promise. Not just us two either. I try to own it, like, hey this is me and I'm not a monster for (not) feeling a certain way. Radical acceptance is I believe the term from DBT, applicable here.

This may not work for you but I would gradually come to realize that if I have feelings regarding death of family, friends, loved ones, etc. It's complicated sure. But also I found joy in celebrating a. Person's life (if we were close enough for me to feel that.) Otherwise, it makes perfect sense to not be upset or that upset if you don't know them well/weren't close/hadn't seen them in forever/had complicated feelings for them/etc. Hell my one aunt wasn't upset at her dad's death and funeral - I know she struggled with hiis deterioration period, but it was her and I at the funeral all dry eyed and self conscious.

Sometimes grief or upset looks very different too, or takes a while to kick in. I expressed most of my grief over grandpa while he wasted away in the hospital through exercising and getting really pro with my hoola hoop tricks. Shit you not.