citrakayah: (Default)
[personal profile] citrakayah
I wrote an essay about my religion three years ago, first on the Werelist and then on here. I reread it recently. Things haven't changed enormously since I wrote it, but they have changed some. That conflict seems less acute than it once did. I'm still an atheist, and there's still large parts of Jewish practice that I disregard (though again, fewer than most Jews). But over the past few years, I've come to appreciate the degree to which religion is not just a set of theistic tenets or even a set of traditions, but a lens through which you view the world.

I understood this when I wrote that essay. But I've come to view it as even more important as time has passed. Watching a large number of atheists prove that they're still bound into a Christian mindset even if they've drained themselves of the theistic claims has proven this to me. There is still an obsession with sin, there is still a belief in a Great Chain of Being... some of them even still believe in an afterlife, it just involves robots.

Jewish traditions--some of which are religious and some of which aren't--are ways to connect with my heritage even if I have issues with Jewish theology and don't believe in the supernatural. Keeping Kosher, celebrating the holidays, and following at least some of the other commandments are ways to do that (also, the prospect of no longer eating kosher feels kind of gross). That is worthwhile not just to connect me with other Jews, even if I lack direct social ties, but because for centuries people tried to destroy those traditions. The story of Judaism is not a single strand of defiance, but the defiance that's there is something I value.

I may change or warp those traditions, but that's me doing so as a Jew trying to live in accordance with my own values in a way that makes sense for me. Obviously I can't avoid being shaped by the surrounding culture, but I'm trying not to change based on their values.

But it's more than just my relationship to tradition. Growing up as a member of a non-Christian religion shaped my views on more than just the supernatural, and marks me as different from the people I grew up around. And I'm actually kind of proud of that difference, because while there are aspects of Jewish theology I disagree with, I disagree with far more of the mainstream religion that has shaped our society.

I don't know exactly where I'll go from this next. Certainly I will never be like the Orthodox, even in action. But I'd like to make a point of immersing myself more in Jewish traditions.
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Citrakāyaḥ

May 2025

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