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Stupid, stupid, stupid!
Sep. 8th, 2011 06:21 pmStupid, stupid, stupid!
One can never watch Plan Nine From Outer Space enough times. You think you have, and then you notice the shadow of a boom mike, and it just gets that much funnier.
The place where the dance was held? It showed Plan Nine From Outer Space last night, so my family and a friend went to see it. For those who haven't watched it, it's about space aliens who look like humans and plan stop humans from destroying the universe by reanimating dead bodies (into stiff-limbed slowpokes) at an absurdly slow pace. They are stopped by an airline pilot who is incapable of telling the difference between a cigar and a saucer, a policeman who uses his gun to gesture and scratch his neck, and a military man whose job is to fire inaccurate, harmless rockets at paper plates suspended by bits of string. And while I may have just ruined the plot, rest assured that you don't watch it to be surprised by exciting plot twists.
It takes bad to new levels of badness. It is bad squared, bad cubed, bad to the power of bad!, bad to infinite levels. It is so bad it is good. In fact, it is so incredibly bad that it is one of the best movies of all time. It was so bad it won the Golden Turkey award.
I've also learned some very important facts about life from the movie.
1. It is always a good idea to scratch your neck with a loaded pistol.
2. Metal spaceships can catch on fire. When they do, it looks like someone stuck a kerosene-soaked cotton wad under a metal cooking pan top and lit it.
3. When confronted by three trigger-happy humans pointing pistols at you, you should stamp your foot and refer to them as, "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
4. The propulsion method of alien spacecraft is to be pulled places by pieces of celestial string.
5. Aliens lack understanding of physics (Consider it like this: Solarite lights photons on fire by a chain reaction. It is capable of traveling back to the source of the photons. This requires that the chain reaction happens at faster-than-light speeds, because otherwise photons would be traveling away from the source and new ones being emitted too fast for the reaction to catch up with them. If this is the case, solarite can only destroy part of the universe, because space expanded faster than light, and as a result the universe is more light years across than the number of years since the Big Bang.)
6. Aliens believe in the Judeo-Christian God, and are terribly offended and self-righteous when anyone finds this the least bit odd.
7. Animating dead bodies is a more effective way of destroying a planet than simply igniting the atmosphere from orbit.
8. Flying saucers wobble.
9. When aliens come, they will contact the United States government and destroy the entire world based on whether or not it publicly acknowledges the existence of aliens.
10. Future events can affect you in the past.
One can never watch Plan Nine From Outer Space enough times. You think you have, and then you notice the shadow of a boom mike, and it just gets that much funnier.
The place where the dance was held? It showed Plan Nine From Outer Space last night, so my family and a friend went to see it. For those who haven't watched it, it's about space aliens who look like humans and plan stop humans from destroying the universe by reanimating dead bodies (into stiff-limbed slowpokes) at an absurdly slow pace. They are stopped by an airline pilot who is incapable of telling the difference between a cigar and a saucer, a policeman who uses his gun to gesture and scratch his neck, and a military man whose job is to fire inaccurate, harmless rockets at paper plates suspended by bits of string. And while I may have just ruined the plot, rest assured that you don't watch it to be surprised by exciting plot twists.
It takes bad to new levels of badness. It is bad squared, bad cubed, bad to the power of bad!, bad to infinite levels. It is so bad it is good. In fact, it is so incredibly bad that it is one of the best movies of all time. It was so bad it won the Golden Turkey award.
I've also learned some very important facts about life from the movie.
1. It is always a good idea to scratch your neck with a loaded pistol.
2. Metal spaceships can catch on fire. When they do, it looks like someone stuck a kerosene-soaked cotton wad under a metal cooking pan top and lit it.
3. When confronted by three trigger-happy humans pointing pistols at you, you should stamp your foot and refer to them as, "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"
4. The propulsion method of alien spacecraft is to be pulled places by pieces of celestial string.
5. Aliens lack understanding of physics (Consider it like this: Solarite lights photons on fire by a chain reaction. It is capable of traveling back to the source of the photons. This requires that the chain reaction happens at faster-than-light speeds, because otherwise photons would be traveling away from the source and new ones being emitted too fast for the reaction to catch up with them. If this is the case, solarite can only destroy part of the universe, because space expanded faster than light, and as a result the universe is more light years across than the number of years since the Big Bang.)
6. Aliens believe in the Judeo-Christian God, and are terribly offended and self-righteous when anyone finds this the least bit odd.
7. Animating dead bodies is a more effective way of destroying a planet than simply igniting the atmosphere from orbit.
8. Flying saucers wobble.
9. When aliens come, they will contact the United States government and destroy the entire world based on whether or not it publicly acknowledges the existence of aliens.
10. Future events can affect you in the past.
