Apr. 21st, 2016

Decay

Apr. 21st, 2016 01:27 am
citrakayah: (Default)
In many respects, I think I was better off two years ago than I am today. Academics and General Life Skills are the obvious exceptions; two years ago I was still an architecture major and barely knew how live by myself.

That being said, it often feels like in terms of my social circles, things have only gotten worse. In part that's because, for some reason, I've grown less social among my peers over the past few years. That isn't only online. Offline too, I've had a harder time going to RSO meetings and public events. I rarely go out of my room aside from going to classes, or going to eat or do errands. Even the latter I'll avoid if I can.

It's not healthy, and I know it, but I do it anyway.

It's also a vicious cycle. If I don't participate in a community, I feel like my absence is noticed. And out of guilt, I avoid the community. I guess I'm too cowardly to engage with my fears of being seen as a poor friend, or an unreliable community member.

But it also seems like many of the communities I was part of are slowly fading away. Some of the RPs I was part of dissolved, or fell completely inactive. The therian community often feels like it's entered a long, slow heat death. I haven't heard that much from the herpetology or zoology club on campus. Even if I was still part of the architecture club, I don't think they're meeting anymore.

And I hate it, but I don't know what to do about it anymore. Sometimes it feels like we're content to slowly die out. Everything's being displaced by Tumblr and Reddit and Twitter, I guess.

If you try to boil a frog, it will notice. I'm not sure we do.

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Citrakāyaḥ

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